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Being Triggered in Life for Freedom – Episode #800

April 02, 2022

Being Triggered in Life for Freedom
Episode #800
4/3/2022

With Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow
With special guest: Gene Spears, Ladonna Spears, Joan Wentzel

This is a continuation of a series of podcasts started in Episode #797
If you access yourself according to the old wounds, you are not going to see His life come through.

John:
Let’s do something together, because I think it’s all of us. Everyone in this room deals with that same thing; the rejection of self, the condemnation of self, the dissatisfaction with self.

Martha:
That’s it.

John:
We have condemned ourselves.

Ladonna:
On the Hebrew for Christians site John Parson quotes Khalil Gibran who said, “And God said love your enemy so I obeyed Him and loved myself.”

Martha:
I am so glad because we just adore you….Look at her sweet tears.

What are we going to do, John?

John:
As a body we need to do something, as a body.

Martha:
I do, too.

Joan:
Labels.

Martha:
Labels.

Joan:
About your dad. You dad would say Martha you are whatever.

Martha:
And you fulfill it.

Joan:
Somebody tells you are lazy…..

Martha:
It’s a curse. And, of course, what I’m after is I curse myself. I won’t let myself have certain things in life because I don’t deserve it when it’s given to me. John’s making me see him (dad) as abusive in ways that I didn’t even recognize. But it’s interesting because when I learned forgiveness, my forgiveness for him was a delight. He’s already gone. I just delighted in him. The Lord gave me such a precious, sweet love for Him when I forgave him and he was dead.

What are we going to do?

John:
We need to deal with it corporately and I don’t know how but I just think we need to deal with it corporately. There needs to be a corporate decision that we each do as a body.

Martha:
I see something. Can I tell it? I see us stand up one by one and say, “I declare that I love my life and my being” and whatever else we want to say.

John:
The reason why we have to do it is because this is the prevention of His Life from shining. If you demand that your label, your role, your assessment, your value, your thoughts are over Him, you prevent Him from being able to come through. So when we say we’re going to lay down our self-contempt, we drop our self-contempt, we lay down our labels and our role then He can come in and be. If you want to see Christ’s Life, get out of self.

Martha:
The word is grace. This is my life verse: Romans 5:17 Those who receive the abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.

I won for His life. And when I’m all involved with my life I’m not involved with His life.

John:
That’s right. That’s exactly it right there. It’s focus. It’s where your gaze is. If your gaze is on your lack or what you’re not able to do…

Martha:
Fulfil your own…

John:
Exactly. It’s inconsequential because His life is able to do everything through me.

Martha:
His life in this woman is just so exquisite spiritually. He has a love for her and that is hard to imagine because He loves you so. When I see you coming, His Spirit in me says this and I want to give it to you. That’s the glory dwelling in your body and it’s in all of us. We are glowing here in this little ordinary place in these ordinary people. But what He’s already done is put His glory in us and we obscure it because we are destined for His glory. That’s what I’m experiencing and why I’m sharing with you so blazen about this place I go, this clinic-Genesis; going down to the beginnings of your being. I’m excited about y’all because I get the fun of knowing His love for you. And He said He had a blessing for you coming. You have a blessing for you coming and I’m praying for it. I don’t know what it is.

So, let’s do it.

John:
This is the deal. We are all being triggered to get rid of it. You are being triggered because your childhood is being brought up; the weakness of your childhood and the loss of your mother is being brought up in your weakness as an elderly person. All of a sudden you are seeing that weakness, that vulnerability and it’s triggering back to the original wounds.

Martha:
I see that.

John:
And if you access yourself according to the old wounds, you are not going to see His life come through. Same with him. Same with me. I’m in an impossible situation and it triggers all my past stuff with my mom; the enmeshment with my mom. I’m triggered because I had to perform, I had to do, I had to balance her out and now I’m in this position on this side and I’m getting triggered because I’m going, “I can’t do anything. I can’t fix it!” I was the fixer. I had to fix. When I can’t fix it, I’m triggered and I think I’m worthless and I think I’m failing.

Martha:
And that’s been the devil’s assault to me because you are here to help me write and I can’t produce. See, I’m in it, too, because I realize that this is terrible for you.

John:
If we just choose as a group and a body to lay down those….

Martha:
Expectations? No?

John:
It’s our humanity. It’s literally saying, “I’m not going to require. I’m not trusting in horses or chariots I’m trusting in God. I’m not going to say, “I can’t do it because I can’t. I’m going to say “He can do it.” As long as I’m not in the condemnation of my inability I will be in the entrance of His ability. I can watch Him do it all. But as long as I’m all involved and wrapped up in me in my lack…

Martha:
Lacks.

John:
I’m always going to lack. Hallelujah, I was supposed to be dependent. You are supposed to be dependent. We are all supposed to be dependent because we are depending on the one who is our dependability. I want as a body let’s lay it down into the grave and let’s put a tombstone here and let’s leave it.

Martha:
Martha is dead.

John:
Dead! Martha’s frailty, Martha’s vulnerability, Martha you call stupid; all these things are inconsequential. It doesn’t matter; none of it.

Martha:
That’s the low blow.

John:
None of it matters.

Martha:
I can’t ruin my life if I let Him have it.

John:
Right. My inability to fix. I have struggled for years to get things done and I cannot do it. It cannot get done. Well, all that does is feed into my self-contempt, my fear of lack of performance; whatever. I don’t know what the name is. It’s all the same thing. And I can just throw it down and say, “You come up out of that grave. You rise! I want to see Your life come up.” I want to see in all of our lives His life rise up. You want to see Him in His glory.

Martha:
Do you want to give us the proclamation?

Gene:
I think you did earlier. When he said the word focus it was like a light bulb coming on. Instead of me focusing on my pain, my not being able to walk, can’t bend over, do anything, I want to focus on Him because I don’t want to lose Him because of this.

Martha:
You want to gain Him.

Gene:
I want to focus on Him. When I’m hurting, can’t walk, it’s ok.

John:
And He may have you go and do the whole thing but that would be with Him.

Gene:
Yes! That’s good, too. And I want to let go of the grief, the expectations and all of it.

Martha:
Whatever you just said-I want to let go of all my grief. I declare that I want to let go of all my grief, my sorrow, my self. I give it up. It’s a lie. It’s actually a lie. It’s interesting that you would be such an exquisite focus of Jesus and the liar has you in some other reality. It’s the liar. That’s who we’ve got to overcome is the liar.

John:
Right.

Ladonna:
In August you had a prophetic word for me. It wasn’t long. I think we were in Timothy where Paul said to Timothy, “Work out what was put in you by the laying on of hand.” Twice to Timothy he said, “You have to work this work.” It is so hard for me and you have said, “Are you reading your notes?” I’m trying to read my notes but that within me that says, “I know who you are. This is who you are. It doesn’t like what’s down on the paper.” It is such a fight to say what you think is a lie.

Martha:
That’s the lie.

Ladonna:
The lie is what’s in my head not what’s on the paper. But it is a battle.

Joan:
God is healing that because you are up here and it has triggered all the childhood stuff; every single bit of your childhood has been triggered in this move and you are as weak and vulnerable and helpless as you were as a child in growing up in chaos and it has taken you back there. God has triggered, it because He wants to heal it. It’s all for healing. And it’s for multiplication.

John:
I think that’s why we are all being triggered. Literally it’s God’s invitation to say, “Hey, come on, let’s get out of the trigger and let My life come out.” We are all in varying degrees of triggers and we are all sitting here saying, “I’m in this situation and I don’t know how to get out of it.” God’s saying, “I’m the One that’s out of it!”

Being Triggered in Life for Freedom – Episode #800 – Shulamite Podcast

We are all being triggered to get rid of it. “And God said love your enemy so I obeyed Him and loved myself.”

 

One comment

  1. Helen Whaley says:

    The podcast..perfectly His timing. I’d been feeling the loss of ‘my gaze’, in an absorption with pain, loss, failure, grief; a seeming ‘survival-flailing’. The Gaze is the place HE IS, in my letting go of all (!) I can’t fix or balance…in the stream of relationships & circumstance. Trying to “balance” chaos makes it all the more askew, & we’re entrenched in entanglements. The depth of triggers from m my beginnings, have hit me in ways you’ve clearly given. In all these areas of relationships & situations..I can ‘fix’ nothing..only GOD IS GOD! HE will work in every heart & life in His Goodness & Power. Each one can be solved..BY HIM..& in no other way. Triggers always entangle & so often come from curse of the past I’ve taken in & fulfilled. We’re not here to please ‘self’, or anyone else, or to “balance” the entanglements. We are OWNED by the ONE WHO IS OUR GAZE, our ONE obsession…our only Reality. Each one who added to this message brought it home to my heart. This Gaze..keeps us to our Owner! I love that!!! My situation…God’s saying, “I’m the One that’s out of it!”

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