with Martha Kilpatrick and John Enslow
(M) John, today I’m calling for the podcast because we are in France, sitting, looking out over the Mediterranean as the sun comes up. Carole’s studying French, and we’re here with her for a little rest, and a little work, perhaps yet to be a lot of work. But here’s the work of the morning. We’ve been praying about your writing on the web site. You used to write a good bit. And so we’re waiting for the Lord to speak about it. And this morning He did. And, but I want to start with…on the podcast you play the advocate. You play the stupid example so that you can evoke out of me what I’m, what I’m teaching. And you do it deliberately, and I know you do. You diminish yourself in this deliberately. And that represents God’s great work in you. But this morning I’m calling you to ah, not just be willing to write, but to be willing to let your light shine in your writings, because on the podcasts you often…you don’t take the front place unless the Holy Spirit’s on you, or giving you something that you’re impassioned about. But there’s enormous light in your personal walk. And as the Lord was showing me this morning that you have been, you have been being prepared to write. We’ve known that you would, always that you would write. And this morning He seemed to say you are ready…not because of any skill…
(J) Actually it’s, it’s because there’s no skill.
(M) But He has reduced you, and you have been willing to be a servant and willing to do a lot of nitty-gritty, a lot of hidden foundational work in this ministry. And we won’t go into that, the Lord knows. But it’s like, “humble yourself and God will exalt you.” And without that humility, we can exalt ourselves. But when God exalts you, and He calls you to be a voice, which I believe He is doing and saying that you are ready, then it’s a matter of obedience, not a matter of, well, should I publish this or not? It’s a matter of obedience. And the Lord took me to the great commission in the end of Matthew. Matthew 28:18 “Jesus came and said to them, all authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit; teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.” See, God sets a light in every life that will receive the light. I recently put somewhere that judgment is not according to how much light you received, but how much light was given. God gives enormous light. I’m fascinated with light. I think I say to the Lord, I want to understand it, but what I really mean is I want to know Light. Light is Christ revealing Himself. And I can’t have enough; I can never get enough of that Light, because it brings the knowledge of Him, the knowledge that He knows into life. But you’ve ah, you’ve been very reticent to write and publish, John. Why, why is that do you think? Have you known it was not time?
(J) I mean, I just knew that ah, yeah, I guess that, that’s it. I mean I just…I had the passion to write when you were doing the “E-zines” a lot, and get something out. And a lot of it was really training.
(J) Uhmm, literally submitting my mind in words out, and then we would go through them, and we would clean it up and it was more of a training. But there wasn’t ah, there wasn’t a time that’s broken open that has said ‘go’, ‘do it’. And actually Jennifer in the office is, has been kind of the imputus of this. She said, “Where is your voice, on the new web site, where is your voice?” And I said ahmm, well, it’s over here…..you know? And she says, “It’s buried!” “It’s buried. You would have to be very, very specific to find that, because you’ll never find that unless you’re looking for it.” And I said well, ummmm…And so I just kind of took that to the Lord and said, ok God, what are you saying in this? You’re speaking something to me. What are You saying? Are You wanting me to write? Do you want me to have some area in the web site that I say something, do You…? What, what, what are You wanting?
(J) And so, it just hasn’t fit; it’s just not been my focus. And really a lot of my focus has been just not on writing really. I mean I write stuff, but it’s for me, I just leave it in my journal. But ah, some….
(M) Well, I think what the Lord showed this morning, is that you are to move from testimony into being what we’ve come to call being a light-bearer. Your forte’ John, your brilliance lies in revelation. You’ve never operated by knowledge; you’ve always operated by heart. And that’s the wonderful thing about you as a man. That’s the thing men need is to live out of the heart. But you have light. You have enormous light on your life, and the more you obey light the more you have light. The more you give yourself to the light, the more you become a light-bearer. And so, what you have is only light. And I believe the Lord is calling you not just to share your testimony, but to ah, pass down the revelations that He gives you. You have a different slant. You have a very unique revelation and a very individual heart, kind of, for the Lord. And so, by the time the podcast is out I’m hoping that there will be already on the web site a section of things that you’ve written. And we started out calling it John’s Journal or John’s Diary, and I really think that’s too limited. It’s not that. It’s not your testimony necessarily, of your walk with God, but the testimony of His revelation of Himself to you. And as you reveal Him to others, then ah… But people respond to your writing very powerfully, and I just think that, that you’ve been willing to be reduced and reduced, and now God wants to exalt you to have a voice. And I want to hear it; I’m excited to hear it. I don’t know what we’ll call it yet, because it’s changed as of this morning.
(J) Yeah, I know. I’ve said if there’s a section there needs to be a name, and I’ve asked Him several times. What do You, what do You want to call this?
(M) But I think He had to identify it where you are, and what you’re called to and what you have, before it could have any… Before He could reveal the name of it, so. Ok John, I’m going to ask you to get your computer and come and give me a sample of the light.
(J) Ok Martha, what I’ve got is… I don’t feel like it’s really, really done and written format to the degree that I’d want to put it out there or anything like that but…. As I was studying, I’m looking into Christ’s interaction with Satan, and Eve’s interaction with Satan, and how they were two totally different interactions. And that what really was the difference between their two interactions was self awareness. Eve was tempted to look to self. Jesus was tempted to look to self, but Jesus didn’t cast His eye on self. He kept it on God, where Eve cast her eye on self. And so, she was completely filling her ‘view-finder’, so to speak, of her life. And then as I was praying about it, and as I was listening to the Lord about this whole thing, He said, “Be thou my vision”. And I ah…for years have not been really motivated for worship, and…
(M) In song.
(J) In song, yeah. I’ve not understood really why, but with this, with this song I’ve understood why. I looked up “Be Thou My Vision”; I have it on my i-pod. I listen to it. I have several different versions of it from different people. And I looked up who did it; I can’t even pronounce his name. But he is a monk from the sixth century. He was born in 530 in Ireland. And he was just a real precious monk from what I’ve read from him. He was a psalmist and a poet and a deep studier of the Word, and literally he went blind from studying the Word and writing poetry and psalms. And I just thought that was so precious just to literally expend your eyes to get enough of God, so to speak. And so he wrote this “Be Thou My Vision”, which in light of the fact that he lost his vision by going after God, and seeking God, and seeking the vision of God through the writings, and through his writings, and through his poetry he lost his vision. But in losing his vision, he gained a vision of God. So Martha would you read just the… It’s actually the first stanza and the last two lines of this old hymn?
(M) Ok. “Be thou my vision, oh Lord of my heart. Not be all else to me save that Thou art. Thou my best thought by day or by night, waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light. Heart of my own heart whatever befall, still be my vision, oh Ruler of all.”
(J) So when you hear the whole hymn, it’s just really… There is such light in the hymn. I’ve read it and I’ve never really paid attention to it, really. If He hadn’t said, “Be thou my vision”, I would have never looked it up. But because I did, and saw what He was saying, there was such light in that. And what I see in a lot of… And I’m not trying to be critical; it’s just where my heart is. What I see in a lot of songs, current songs, there’s no light. It’s talk, but there’s not light. His “Be Thou My Vision” hymn gave me a deeper picture of not only him and the light that he was in, but a deeper revelation of God. It brought me closer to God. It didn’t bring my soul closer to God; it didn’t bring my emotions closer to God, even though I cried a little bit with it. The fact is, is that it drew me in, and there was passion behind it, and there was a life that had been lived behind it.
(M) That’s what it is.
(J) And so I, when I read it I just said ahh, this guy knew an aspect of God and was surrendered to God. And he ended up being martyred by a bunch of pirates that came into Ireland and murdered all the monks that were in this monastery. And he was martyred. And this precious, precious monk…there’s a legend behind it that he was beheaded and that the Lord put his head back on. And you know, even in the picture that they have of this saint, there’s…his head’s off but on. (John and Martha laugh) So, you know, whatever. I don’t know if that happened or I really don’t care, because his life and his death and his passion was revealed in this hymn, to me. And so in that, that’s what I see as kind of a direction and a, almost a beacon for me, is that I don’t want to write something that doesn’t make the hungry, hungrier; doesn’t make the pursuers, pursue more; doesn’t make the finders, not find. I want those that are looking for God to see God, and have that light. Just like this experience that I had with this Irish monk, I saw his light. I saw God’s light, and I saw what God had been revealing to him. And I’m so glad that I read it in Wikipedia because it made a whole picture for me that the guy lost his sight and then got… And I don’t know if he wrote “Be Thou My Vision” before or after he went blind, but regardless, the work was done. He did become the Vision, and was martyred. And now is in a delightful place with the Lord; the martyrs place which is ‘yummy’. (Martha laughs)
(M) Well if you can find his, this poem in him, you see so much of who this man was. He speaks of Christ being his dwelling, the relationship with Him, “I’m Thy true son”. Then he goes to warfare and suffering. And then he goes to the world, man’s praise and riches. And he prefers God to all that. And then he goes at the end, “High King of heaven, my victory won. May I reach heavens joys, oh, bright heaven’s Son.” And he did. He prayed that. The end was, he went through all these things, relationship, warfare, what the world offers, and how empty it was; and then at the end he prays, and then God gave it to him. But it speaks so much that he can only express this… What you’re, what you’re saying is, you can only reveal God from a God-revealed life.
(M) And you can only, you can only convey light if you have received light. And his, his whole life is in this hymn.
(M) It tells everything about him, his values, what he chose, what he understood; he understood first it was a relationship, then it was a war, then it was the world’s temptations, and then in the end his choice and his prayer. “May I reach heavens joys, great heart of my heart whatever befall, still be Thou my vision, oh Ruler of all.”
(J) And ‘whatever befall’, and I mean…
(M) It did.
(J) It did befall, his head fell.
(J) And ah, so… It’s just…it brought a vision to me, of, of ah, what my passion and my heart is, about any writings that I would write. And so…
(M) Well, we look forward to reading, and hearing, now that God has opened that door for you. And I’m excited.
(J) We will see what He will do.