The Choice to Love
17 August 2013
With Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow
(J) You know something I’m seeing is that if He confronted me as a three and a half, four year old, then it means it’s possible He was like seed for my future. But He was no respecter of person, in that He didn’t say oh well he’s just three and four years old, he can’t. No, He, He was confronting me with the choice at that age, so that means… And I made my choice, but I said I love my life, and then He had to show me that I really didn’t. But… (John and Martha laugh.) But ah, but you know, He was willing to confront me then, so then that means if you’re forty or twenty or thirty or sixty or whatever you are, that you’re able to handle this is a choice that all of us can handle; it’s not too hard.
(M) Right, it’s not too hard. And He makes it so easy by love. When you… When you are pursued by, captured by love, the love enables you to lose your life for that love, and that’s the cost of it. That’s one when Pauline said this it was so precious to me, and I read what she quoted. She said, “You danced when the flute was played and mourned at the funeral dirge. And because of your response to Him, I and many others are recipient of His love. Not only for Him who is continuing to break the walls I’ve built around my heart, but for each of you having given His love away. Thank you.”
(M) Oh very beautiful. Pauline is just a beautiful soul and spirit. But that’s the essence, you see, and I’ve taught it for many years, that passage means Jesus came with the Holy Spirit’s witness and outpouring in love and call, but you didn’t respond, both to the bad news and the good news. You would not respond with a, with a heart. But the issue is losing your life.
(M) And, and that this morning just broke my heart as I remembered and went back over the years who had an incredible visitation of the love of God and refused it. And I began to see why they refused it; they would not lose their life. One I can say when most of those who… Let me give a picture. The Lord showed me this picture to illustrate it. There’s two ways you can go. There’s a big, a lavish banquet in a beautiful palatial hall. And a little child in ah, rags, is invited to come in. And there’s a place set there with their name at the table. And one comes in and looks at his or her own plate and just enjoys the food on her own plate, and is willing to be there in rags when everyone else is in royal garb. Another won’t go in the door because of fear, ah, or fear of love. God’s love is really quite frightening.
(M) I remember one person said, “I knew when I met God’s love, that it would consume everything; and it scared me, but I couldn’t escape it.” And when we meet God’s love through a person, it is a power. It is so different from human love that it’s not even comparable. God’s love is a zeal and a power that you can literally feel. Ok, then another person comes in and sits down at the table, but takes all the food on the table to himself, or herself; takes everything from everyone else and puts it in a bag and goes out the door with all the food.
(J) And feels complete, justified to do it; entitlement, there you go.
(M) Well John you’ve written a lot about entitlement that you’ve not published. But entitlement is God owes this to me, and I will take it because He owes it; not because He gave it, but I will take it because He owes it. And that’s greed. Greed is the evidence of unwillingness to lose your life for the love of God.
(M) And, you know, I, I was thinking in grief about all those who have known the love of God, maybe for years, and enormous outpouring of His grace, and who because they wanted ‘all of it’, they lost their own life. And ah, it’s tragedies that we couldn’t even speak about; right John?
(M) But… “Your house will be left to you desolate” is absolutely real, it’s just horrifying. And then I was thinking about those of you who have become ah, creative and spontaneous and healthy and vessels of love yourself. And I remember John when our friend Robin would come and talk about you and we would spend several days together in prayer, you were just not real to me, I wasn’t terribly interested at all. And then one morning I woke up with an anointing for you that absolutely came out of the blue. And so that, I called you and that began our relationship, then you visited us, then you came to be our missionary, and then you became our missionary and head of ministry. But you made, you lost your life, because God planted that seed, and I believe He does in every person if we will ever see it. He planted that seed in you. So when it came, you lost your world. You sold your business, you lost your income and security and investment, you lost the people of your church. And you’re a people person with lots of people in your life, lots going on. You left that and then God calls you in, we never thought it’d be two, two years of solitude that you cannot contact any people. And you lost… You obeyed actually and fully, everything He asked you to give Him; and it was tough, it was really tough. Your friends said oh, oh for a year when I didn’t have to work, and you said oh don’t desire it, don’t think it’s fun, it’s very difficult, because you had other work to do in your spirit with the Lord. But you are a picture of someone who lost his life and that’s why… And God told you things, God led you in directions that were just between you and Him, and you obeyed them, without exception. You danced for the flute, and you also mourned for the dirge. And now it’s, it’s not about the fact that I have the love of God for you. And for a long time no one else did in our group like you (Martha laughs), now they absolutely adore you. But they had to die too. And those that didn’t like you at that time, eighteen years ago, were not, were those who had not lost their lives for Christ yet. Some of them never did, and some of them have. But you truly lost your life, and you have found it. Your, you’re writing, you’re head of ministry, you’re a world traveler, you’re a missionary, you’re a number of things, and you’re a great, Carole said the other day, you are such a shepherd to everyone here. And you were a shepherd to all the group when we go to Israel, you were a living shepherd. You have come into your identity, but it was not because I was sent to love you; though you give me credit for that and I appreciate it. You, you came into your own because you received God’s love enough to lose John and come in. And that’s… I’m not free to tell the stories of those who refused; some died, to tell the truth, and some are lost in immorality, and some are lost in delusion, and some are lost in other ways. But ah, you cannot grab the love of God and use it for your ego. You choose desolation; God doesn’t do the desolation, you choose it by refusing God’s love, by rejecting the repentance that you have to pay. You have to exchange your life for His life, and most people want God and me too; or God on my terms, or all that God has for me. No, it’s all God wants from you for God. And if you don’t give God everything and lose everything, then we’ve gone over the love of father, mother, children, lands, everything, those personal earthly things you lose in one form or another. Sometimes you lose them by keeping them, sometimes you lose them for awhile and get it back. And then it’s ah, whether you’ll go through the repentance and the baptism of the Spirit. So that’s, that’s the secret, and the thing God is giving me this morning is we have the choice, I’ve preached it forever. We do have a choice. We even have a choice to reject the outlandish love of God once we bump our head into it and it comes to seek us and put His arms around us and capture us. We still have the right to either not receive the love of God… I’ve had the love of God enormously for people who simply would not trust God with it. Would not even enter in the relationship, and it was there. I had one woman say to me, “Forgive me, I knew the love of God was there, but I would not.” And she, I don’t think she really regretted it. She just wanted me to know that she knew. I said well I appreciate it. I didn’t know if you knew God’s love was there for you. She said, “Oh yes, I knew it, but I rejected it.” I didn’t want to pay the price is what in essence she said. And some go, all there’s all kinds of ways we do it. We can go along in God’s love for ten years and then bolt. So I, I, my heart broke for the Lord this morning, but I think what He said to me was, you have to let Me be in you, one who lets them go, and lets it be. They have the choice. And ah, I think Jesus is different. I think we, we’ve put Him on our human level, and we think that His heart is broken, and, and I’m sure it is, when He is rejected. But I believe that His surrender and His, I don’t know how to say it, His godliness, the nature of God, because He gives us the free will and we choose to say no, He lets us go. He looked at the rich young ruler, loved him, and let him go.