Fear and Its Fruit
11 January 2014
With Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow
Special guess: Carole Nelson and Jennifer Wentzel
(Carole) And my life has been, uhmm, full of fear. And most of my life has been blindness to that fear. And fear does cause blindness to yourself and to where you are. And I have dealt with fear. The Lord has brought this issue to my life on numerous occasions, some very dramatic occasions, but it has always remained un, really unsolved. And several instances just this past year have occurred that He stirred up and made visible my fear. I didn’t know, I didn’t know the bottom of it. But He stirred it up, and I really in those instances became hysterical. Years ago, John had a vision of me, with, and I was going through a dealing of fear at that time, but he had a vision of me, and the Lord, my Father, my Abba, was holding me, and I was facing out from Him and He was holding me around my stomach, up close to Him, and I was flailing, and He was holding me until I flailed it out and became still. And that’s been a vision; that really has been a reality in my life. And I’m still in that; I’m still in that vision. But over several instances the Lord exposed my hysteria. Recently, a certain stance arose, and I became hysterical about it. And I called Martha, and she was not, she knew there was no crisis. I called her before I ever went to the Lord. I called her before I ever got on my face and gave it to Him; and I looked to her to deal with it. And since then I have been… He has taken me to a place of seeing just how much He hates fear; passionately hates fear because it keeps me from Him. It keeps His dream; it keeps His destiny that He has called forth from any hope of coming to fruition. It keeps Jesus Christ from increasing His government through me. And it is also so very destructive to the people around me. And I began to see that, uhm, I don’t know if this was the sequence, I saw anything, but I saw first that it was complete and total irresponsibility on my part to deal with something that was in my life that He has been dealing with me over. And I have not dealt with it; I have been lazy and not dealt with it. He showed me that it is complete self-worship, self-focus, self-saving. He showed me that it is absolutely demonic, because it is turning to Satan to solve my problems. And that demonic goes out and wrecks destruction in the people that you really don’t have any intention… I’m not claiming any excuse, but you don’t intend that to happen, but it does because you’ve given yourself to him. And it is worshipping Satan. And I have done that, and I have just been on my face, because it destroys and it stops the Holy Spirit. It quenches the Spirit on every level, not only in my life, but in corporate life, being in the Body, it quenches the move of the Holy Spirit. And ah, Martha has breathed, ah, and it’s the Spirit has breathed, during this time, hope, a lot of hope, that He will, that He will do His good pleasure, He will finish what He started. And I guess it was yesterday I was still crying out because Martha gave me Psalm 34, and I’ve been in that a lot. “The poor man cried out, and the Lord delivered him from all of his fears.” And I was on my face again, crying out for that deliverance, and I felt like I heard, “I have already delivered you, get up, and walk out of your prison.” And I’m doing that by faith. And I’m choosing with all of my heart, and all of my being, to believe only One. I’ve gone to addictions, I’ve gone to loves, I’ve been a harlot, I’ve gone to all sorts of things to try to sooth this hysteria and this fear, and He is so jealous for me. And I can’t even take that in, that He would love me so much; but all of us, any of us, so much, to come in with His, with His loving kindness and chastening, “to remove every hindrance and restore the broken fellowship”, but He is, He is doing that. I want to share, I don’t know, John if you want to take this off. And I don’t even know if this is scriptural or true, ok. But when I was on my face at one point, I saw that we who are in Christ, literally died with Him, and there’s no longer death, so there’s no longer anything to fear. I’d never seen what I saw, and I don’t know if it’s true, but when Don died, he did not die. I saw Don die, he didn’t die, he was in the presence of the Lord. What I saw is beyond anything that I’ve seen. There’s no reason to be afraid of death because there is no death.
(M) The scripture says, “If you follow Him you will not see or experience death.” And I’ve told it before. It’s true Carole, yeah. I believe it’s true even of the martyrs; they were eaten by lions, that they didn’t see or experience death that they were in ecstasy. And there’s testimony’s that they were, even the night before.
(Jennifer) We just step over, for the believer.
(Carole) I have been afraid of something that is not true, I have been afraid of something that is not real. I have been terrorized by my own choosing, by my own refusal to die, my own refusal to lay truly, truly lay down my life, without any qualifications, without any, any, just period. And I’ve been afraid to do that over a lie. It’s something that is not true, that Jesus solved on the cross two thousand some years ago. Death died with Jesus. It says He died once for all. He died once, and if I’m in Him I’ve already died. Once and for all, right?
(M) Right. Ok, as fantastic as that is, it’s true; thank you. Once, see, ouuu, you know what you’re getting? Getting such victory that your going to have a victory, and a testimony and the Blood of your forgiveness, first, and then of your testimony of His greatness. That’s what your passing on right now, right on the heels of all this.
(Carole) Well can I go back? Because this just kind of, I want to go back because on Sunday you, the podcast Sunday, you mentioned Renaulda Church and listening to that sermon on the Blood, so I went and I listened to that whole thing. And I had just been begging God to show me this whole, say oh God, please, help, You’ve got to show me all of this. And in that sermon from, by that man, one of the things I saw is sabotage. That when I fear, I don’t know if he said it, but I got this, the Holy Spirit gave it to me. He did use the word sabotage, but what I saw in it is when I fear I sabotage myself first. I curse myself to do the very thing that I don’t want to do, and then I fear. And I sabotage those around me by my own sabotage. I don’t know if I’m making any sense.
(M) I’m afraid it’s perfectly clear.
(Carole) Ok. And that put me in great shame, and that was good, because this is all about being humiliated into humility. It’s all about being humiliated into receiving God’s love, into receiving the real truth. And so I just wanted to say that, because I think the sabotage is so, the curse that we incur on our own selves through our fear is hellish, not only for ourselves, but for everyone we’re around.
(M) When I was, ah, doing some studying yesterday on words, I was dealing with the word truth that so many times is not translated accurately in the New Testament. There’s a word, aletheia I believe it is, and it means reality. And I was looking at that deeply, because I’m using it in the manuscript to the Kingdom Children. But I came to something that, ah, did any of you help me with the definition yesterday? The opposite of that in the Greek, the opposite of the word reality, integrity, truthfulness, was something, I couldn’t pronounce it, but it’s where we get the word lethargy. In other words, the opposite of reality is not a lie, but it’s lethargy. So Jennifer you told me yesterday all the meanings of lethargy.
(Jennifer) Well I was, uhm, saying that, ah, even though we, we often use it, and I think a synonym, a partial definition of lethargy is laziness. But that’s not all it is, that it is literally a physical manifestation, uhm, lack of energy and exhaustion, that lethargy can occur from outside forces, from inside, it can be the result of depression, it can be, you know, if the human body becomes extremely cold, uhm, that’s one of the first things that begins to happen and it’s basically an oncoming paralysis almost.
(M) This is the Thesaurus, inertia, inactivity, passivity, sloth, tiredness, apathy, you named it Carole as laziness. And that’s so brilliant, because what I said about how passive we are about fear. We’re used to it. We think it’s, it’s human and inevitable. And subconsciously we accept it, whereas if I had stolen something I would have known it was a crisis. If I had lied about somebody I would have known it was a crisis. But the very nature of fear, I believe, in part it is a demonic result is that you, you are lethargic about it. You just don’t do anything about it. You just never confess it, you don’t have any passion left to deal with the fear; you’re just its victim. And that’s part of the power of Satan who has you, when you’re in fear he has you under his thumb, so to speak, and he can cause you to be that lethargic. So it’s brilliant that you saw that.
Fear and Its Fruit – Episode #370 – Shulamite Podcast