The Waiting Trial
August 31, 2014
With Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow
Special guests: Aaron, and Carole Nelson
(Aaron) Waiting does a work in us, to get something out of us, so that He can put something in us.
(Martha) I said last night that waiting is the death of the flesh. I wonder what else it is. Waiting is the test of no effort. If you will wait… And effort can be just in thinking, just in reasoning, just in… But if you can wait with a quiet mind, you are submitted, and that was what Daniel… That’s the secret of Daniel. He was submitted. To set his heart and mind was to submit. And a spiritual mind is a mind that is under your discipline to be quiet and not make any effort. It’s mostly, to me, waiting is internal, and you are either waiting or we’re fretting, and I know well how to do that. That was the quiet of David was that he wasn’t… The element in that vision of David was that he didn’t have any preconceived idea. He didn’t have an agenda. He didn’t have a narrow window where God had to fit Himself into. He had a wide open horizon, so that he was… It was like there was a horizon, and he was looking, sweeping this horizon to see where God was going to rise, but he didn’t any… He had expectations that he would come in all His might or all His whatever, but he didn’t have an expectation of a particular way. And that’s huge. That’s huge.
(J) He didn’t lock God into his reasoning or his..
(M) He didn’t have any reasoning. He didn’t have any reasoning about it. The paradox was that he was… It’s almost like that he was vibrating with electricity, if you could have a word that expressed it. But he was absolutely still in his body. I say he was sweeping the horizon, but he was not moving. He was absolutely still, at the same time vibrantly alive. And that’s, to me, a paradox. But it is a discipline. In the New Testament it would be the discipline of throwing off the old man and not letting the old man get in; the waiting. It’s all about the mind. It says Daniel set his mind, and the Amplified goes into heart. But Daniel set his heart and his mind, both, what he was going to do. So unless we do that, we’ll wander around in the old man. Ok. We’ve talked about last night, Romans 7 and Romans 8, and I just wanted to say that if you’ve ever been in Romans 7, which I have. You can’t get to Romans 8 until you go through Romans 7, I believe. The Bible is such a sequential document. And to look at it in sequence is to understand a whole lot more. And I don’t believe you can, I don’t believe you can get to the fullness of the Spirit and the dominion and control of the Spirit unless you go through the despair of self. And it’s a hideous, horrible passage, but thank God it is a passage. “Who shall deliver me from this body of death,” meaning the old man. The flesh is death. So, I don’t think that I prepare people enough for the horror of Romans 7. I leap to Romans 8, and Paul didn’t. So the despair of, for me, I assume it’s true of everyone, but it’s Romans 7 to 8 and back to Romans 7 and then back to Romans 8, because the deeper you go when the Spirit every depth of surrender to the Spirit is preceded by an agony of death. It’s not… I think there’s a place where you willingly go to the Spirit, but most of the time it’s a desperation for the Spirit. Is that true? You think? And Paul didn’t go through it as a new believer, because he had the foundation of Romans 1 through 6. He knew that, and then he described the passage between the work of Christ in those chapters, the finished work in those chapters; the transition between that and the Spirit’s manifestation of the accomplishment of Christ as visible. That make sense? Is Romans 7 is the bridge. You have to go over that troubled water to get to the other shore, and there is probably no other way. I have talked a lot about the necessity of the Spirit, the provision of the Spirit and seeking the control of the Spirit, but that only comes from the desperation at the collapse of yourself. You have to need the Spirit before you will accept the Spirit. Is that true of only me, or is that human? (Laughing)
(Aaron) So much is said about waiting. It’s everywhere. I don’t even know how to ask the question. Does failed waiting almost become a means to make us desperate? You know what I’m trying to say? Like when you say I can’t even wait. I don’t even have it in me to wait. It’s like in the Spirit, in the new man you wait with charged anticipation. But in the old man you’ll just fret in anxiety. So even failed waiting and all the anxiety and doubt and fear has a purpose or can have a purpose.
(M) But you defined it as the old man vs. the new man. You answered it, if it can be that neatly done. And it probably can be.
(Carole) I’m thinking about what Aaron said about you have to get something out so that He can put something in, and you just said again, Aaron, that… You made mention of the fear and the anxiety, and that’s what He wants to stir up and get out through death and through… We’ve got to be real. I mean, we can’t jump like we want to do. We’ve got to go through that, and that’s part of what brings us to the desperation of our total failure and inability.
(M) And we have this inborn, Adamic quality that we really think there should be no problem in life and no suffering and certainly not with God. And the first suffering He put me through I said, “I was better off before I knew You. I didn’t have these problems before I knew You. Did pretty good, but see, we expect that we should not have to be miserable. But the way into it is suffering and the way into the life of the Spirit is suffering at me. Once you get in the Spirit it’s suffering for Christ. But there is no… I remember the day I was speaking to the women’s group, and I was saying essentially, “Get over it, life is suffering.” And that was the day Lee appeared at the door and told me my step mother was dying, and I hadn’t told them all the suffering I was going through as I was speaking to them about suffering. And he rushed me to the hospice, and she was already gone. But I was living through the suffering and accepting it myself that that’s what life is. And the greatest… We make our suffering so bad when we resist that there should be no suffering. That’s our suffering. We resist. I resist being hopeless, and that’s my suffering. For many years in my life, years, decades, God gave me Psalm 37; “Fret not, it leads only to evil doing.” And I could not, not fret. But He used that pressure. He kept commanding me, “Do not fret,” and I kept going to that scripture and I would say to help me and He would say Psalm 37; “the meek shall inherit the earth.” I didn’t understand what you just said, Aaron, that my old man was fretting and my old man had to fret itself to death before I could get to the peace of non-resistance of letting it all just be. “Don’t fret because of the evil man that prospers in his way.” “Don’t fret.” The old man cannot not fret, but that caused me to die.