Coming To God
November 23, 2014
With Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow
Special guests: Jennifer Wentzel
(Jennifer) God can deal with an honest person. You didn’t say God will elevate the honest person, and they are beyond all reproach. You said He can deal. Yes, He can deal with me when I finally get honest. It’s not the end. It’s the very beginning.
(M) Let me tell you the word it is, and it’s a surprising word. The word is integrity. Peter had an integrity in that he was that willing to be himself, and that is an honest… You say it’s basic, and it is. It’s basic integrity to be who you are. And we don’t want that integrity. We don’t consider that to be integrity. But it is a basic honesty with yourself and with others. And it’s taken me a lot of time to be that real and to be myself. I don’t particularly, I didn’t used to particularly like who I was, so I didn’t want to be that.
(Jennifer) Who does?
(M) Right. Right. I’m content with myself now because it’s peace. It’s freedom just to be, be whoever you are at any moment with God and with others; to be spontaneous and to be, just be yourself. That is integrity. And until it is that, you have no integrity. Do you think that’s right?
(M) The word is integrity.
(Jennifer) Because it’s no more, no less than who you are.
(Jennifer) You’re not turtle-ing in and hiding away parts of yourself, so that nobody can see it. And you’re also not gathering up bits and pieces and embellishing the you that is there. You are intact, no more, no less. Absolutely. You are, You have integrity.
(M) You have to come to that integrity. Integrity is not in paying your bills or doing the ‘right’ thing. Integrity is a basic, primal honesty of being. And I think He takes us places, and He takes me there over and over again to a very basic, simple life of work to bring me back to that basic integrity that I am human, and I have a human life, and I have to live it.
(Jennifer) Yes, you’re human. You have a human life, but it comes back to the principle that you’ve been talking about all along, because there is no repentance until you have, you let Him bring you to the place of integrity, where He is trying to show you either what you’ve added on to yourself or what you’ve hidden away.
(Jennifer) That comes. Then the repentance. Then the blood. Then the holiness. Then the move of God, the glory.
(Jennifer) That what, which is how you live, so of course you didn’t even factor it into, but yes! That would have to come. That’s the seeing that comes before repentance. He’s showing me either something that I’ve pinned on myself somewhere. I want wings, so I’m going to put this pair and flap them around. Weeee! And now maybe people think I’m angel and not a sheep. You know, or just a sheep with wings on. You look ridiculous. And you got bushes caught in them. You know it’s just clownish. You know, or else it’s something I’m trying to hide, so I’m putting on a sweater over a big patch of maggots on my back, you know? Nobody, I’m sure nobody will smell anything or look at anything weird falling out of my sweater, you know, and He’s like, “Dude, seriously, come on. Let’s deal with this here.” Right? But I have to come to that place where I say, “You’re right, those wings aren’t mine.” Or, “Yeah, I do have maggots there. You’re right, and I can’t do anything about them. I’m trying to hide them with this sweater and people are avoiding me on the subway. It’s terrible.” You know? And I have to do that. He has to bring me there and then, then I can repent. But that’s… Yes, Martha, but that’s what you always teach. That’s why it starts there, because that is the basic principle He’s always given you. It’s brilliant.
(J) I wish we had gotten a picture of you saying that.
(Jennifer) Isn’t it? Brilliant? That He works with us that way.
(M) Well, “He knoweth we are dust.” And He began with me about one day in my twenties. He said, “You really wish you were an angel. You don’t like being human. I’m so sorry. I chose humans to bear the life of My Son. And you’d hate having to stumble over your humanity all the time. Get over it and be human.” He confronted me powerfully in my young walk to just be human. And most families don’t permit you to be human. They don’t let you be human. They don’t bless your humanity. They don’t bless your foolishness or let you be foolish or enjoy your stupidity. It’s rare that any family just lets you be human. There’s no room for it, and we are crippled for life unless we get over it and come back down to earth or come up from hell and just be normal human beings that God can be extraordinary with. Thank you. You’ve put the principle… I wasn’t satisfied that I stated the principle, but you did.
(Jennifer) It’s just brilliant. It’s just a brilliant principle, and it is literally the perfect illustration. When you said that, when you said repentance comes down, not goes up. I am constantly sending repentance up. I’m like, “Ok, I know Your’re going to call me on this. Let me get ahead of the game here. I see this and I know that’s terrible, and I’m so sorry. Alright, let’s look at something else. Ummm, that too.” You know what I mean? Like I try so hard, and even in that I’m not being honest, because I’m scared to stick my neck out there and just go along and wait for that little crook to yank me back, because I think, you know, I can clean myself up and then I don’t have to worry about that rod smashing down on my hind quarters without warning. You know what I mean? Honestly, though, it’s what I do. I’m just… It’s just fear. It’s just fear, and He’s totally fine with that. He deals with me on that. But that was such a beautiful way of putting it, but that’s what it is to just live my life like a sheep and trust that the Shepherd is going to come.
(M) Umhmmmm. What do you want me to say? Tell me, and I’ll say it.
(Jennifer) I just want you to lay it out again; the principle that He gave you for your healing. Just lay it out one more time, because it’s like a prayer, Martha. Do you understand?
(Jennifer) It is literally an example in your life of the Shepherd coming and paving the way for His little sheep who had a problem, and He wanted to come in and move on that sheep.
(Jennifer) And it’s beautiful.
(M). Ok. Well, He took me through repentance over and over, for weeks. I’ve pretty much been hidden away and not very functional. He has taken me aside, and He has just, ohhhh. He has put me through some really deep repentance and others along beside. And I always think that’s the end of the matter. You just repent, but it’s… He took me from repentance to freedom, and then He just set me down. He put the crook on, the staff on my head and gave me an injury and set me down in need, and I could receive through Murray’s prayer such an empowering of the holiness of Jesus. And I know He came through that holiness. He created the arena for that holiness, so that He could come through that holiness. We don’t understand how holy God is. They cry, “Holy, holy, holy,” day and night for eternity, because His holiness is ever shocking and unfolding. And He can’t relate to somebody that’s not holy. He can’t come in. He has everything to give us, but He can’t come in until He takes us through repentance from above and makes us fit for His gifts. And He came in by the Spirit through those words on a page, “The holiness of Christ indwelling.” And the Holy Spirit just went swoosh, and put that in me and I felt holy, because I have been through a lot of grief and tears and all kinds of emotional things. But this was, I felt holy after all these weeks. And then He gave me a little tiny obedience, and then He sat me down and He came in a way I’ve never experienced Him. And He just showed me this is the principle I have to share. But you have said it really better than I have.
(Jennifer) That’s really what you’ve done is just laid out love. That’s love.
(Jennifer) Top to bottom, love. Just start to finish, love. You know? He can’t relate to someone that’s not holy, so He showed you, “This is how I take you to where I can come.” I mean, that’s love.
(M) “Where I can love you.. inside.” Ohhhh! I didn’t see that. See? I didn’t see that. You always tell me what I know, Jennifer.
(Jennifer) Well, I looked at you and I saw it. That’s the glow; Love, love for Him.
(M) And love is willing. Oh. We think repentance is so hard, but you said it, John. The end of it is glory. It’s so little to go through. It’s nothing, and it’s necessary. John the Baptist, “He must increase. I must decrease.” And He has to decrease us until we can receive Him.