with Martha Kilpatrick and John Enslow
and Special Guest Jennifer Wentzel
(M) This morning Jennifer, who is living temporarily with me until her cabin is ready, and I was sitting by the fire, each in our own little world of the Lord. And she began to share her revelation with me, so I called John and said bring your tape and equipment and come. It looks like we’re doing fireside chats, doesn’t it? We have snow outside, and very cold weather, so we’re huddled around the fire. But I asked Jennifer to write down what she was saying, because it is so wonderful, and such a result of a podcast that we’re doing. Jennifer Wentzel.
(Jennifer) Hi, again. Ok, this is something that has been brewing, and I’ve been praying about ever since Sunday morning when I listened to the podcast with Carole Nelson’s testimony. And I described it to Martha as when I heard it, being struck by a bell. By which I mean I literally kind of felt it vibrate through me. In particular when Carole was talking about the rebellion and arrogance nestled underneath her fear, and God showing that to her. And I couldn’t quite, as I told Martha, I’ve been praying for the Lord to really show me what it was that was so piercing and that rang for me, so loudly, because I couldn’t quite make the connection. My manifestations of, of fear, have not been ah, the same as Carole, which makes sense, because I’m not Carole. But everything that Carole was saying, Carole’s testimony, pierced me and planted a seed that I asked the Lord to grow out and to reveal what He wanted to show me. And so this, this week I’ve been in Roman’s. I’ve been moving through Roman’s and was up to Roman’s 11, kind of moving through that, and just told Martha that I got to Roman’s 12, ten through eleven, which is “Love one another with brotherly affection as members of one family, giving precedence and showing honor to one another. Never lag in zeal and in earnest endeavor, be aglow and burning with the Spirit, serving the Lord.” And it was the last phrase, “serving the Lord”, that started, I guess you could say, the flame, or the torch was lit with that, because I began thinking about that. And I go back to “The Great Lie” regularly, because there is so much in it, and there’s so much that I can ever seem to comprehend on a daily basis; and kind of went back to the “accept, accept, accept”, and was thinking about that. And felt like the Lord was kind of talking to me in serving the Lord, and with the glad heart, and the authority under that, and thought about myself, and my life, and how I have always lived my life with one foot out the door, with an escape plan mapped out, ready to go, practiced. I have never lived in an apartment or a house that I’ve rented, I’ve never settled into it, I’ve always viewed it as, ‘this is where I’m sleeping right now’. It was not a home. Every job was me constantly looking out for something else, for ‘greener pastures’; that this was not ‘it’, this was not the end stop, this was not someplace that I was going to get settled. That’s been my entire life. I would say, although I haven’t given it much thought this morning, that would probably apply to most relationships I’ve had too. I don’t know that I’ve ever fully committed in so much as a friendship, honestly; I don’t know that for certain so I’m not going to commit to it.
(M) (Martha laughs) There’s a back door.
(Jennifer) There’s my escape plan for that comment. (Jennifer laughs) So, basically what I started thinking about was, what is ‘a foot out the door’ really, and what is a refusal to commit? And basically it’s fear. So, not really knowing where this was going, but having been brewing and thinking about it, I just went to the index of my Bible and started looking up verses that featured the word fear. And nine out of ten of them that I saw were dealing with fear of the Lord and, and I found a couple, however, that dealt with fear of men, fear that we have. So, I started out with Proverbs 29:25 “The fear of man brings a snare.” “But whoever leans on, trusts in, and puts his confidence in the Lord is safe and set on high”. So, it brings a snare, it’s a trap, and so that kind of lodged away. Mark 5:36 was Jesus in the temple, and I suppose the ruler of the synagogue had come to Him about his daughter, and then people come up to him and say your daughter’s dead so stop bothering the Teacher, you know, it’s over. And Mark 5:36 says, “Overhearing, but ignoring what they said, Jesus said to the ruler of the synagogue, do not be seized with alarm and struck with fear, only keep on believing”. And I mentioned to Martha that the terms are, are rather violent, and usually used to describe something violating, you know, an assault on someone; you would be struck by someone else. Seized implies that you know, is taken by force. And I do not think that anything Jesus said was accidental, so I kept on going and came back to Roman’s, my ‘home’ of this week. Roman’s 8:15 “For the Spirit which you have now received is not a spirit of slavery, to put you once more in bondage to fear. But you have received the Spirit of adoption, the Spirit producing sonship, in the bliss of which we cry, Abba Father.” And it says absolutely in bondage to fear. It didn’t make mention of any other bondages, it was in bondage to fear. So I got quiet and I said ok, uhmm, let’s give me something with this word; show me. And this is what I got. “Fear is not legitimate, or a point of sympathy.” And that’s important, and I’ll come back to it because Martha told me to. (Laughter) “It is rebellion and rejection of God. Fear says God is not good, He does not love me, and He is not sovereign. Fear is a mark of arrogance and independence from God. To indulge it or placate this tendency is to confirm that God is not good or loving, or sovereign, in control. It is a blasphemy rooted in my heart and its presence contradicts my repentance over believing the Lie about God.” In other words, the work I had done on “the Great Lie” was only half-done, because this was still there, and I did not address it. It was not addressed. So, “Refusal to accept my life whole-heartedly with joy and thanksgiving is a mark of fear, that God has not done and will not do right by me. So I am duty-bound to keep an eye out for greener pasture.” In other words, God means well, but I know better than He does what is best for me. You know? (Martha laughs in background) And that is an enormous arrogance ah, that is hand-in-hand with fear. The two of them feed off each other and support each other.
(M) We laugh because we so understand. (Jennifer laughs) It’s not…
(Jennifer) It’s ah, yeah it’s kind of devastating to read it out loud and percolate on that. And of course, before I talked to Martha about this, this was immediately put before God and I begged His forgiveness for it, because as Martha later said, it is an accusation against Him. Fear is an accusation against Him. And what I got further was that for the believer, specifically, fear is blasphemy, period. And it might be the most blasphemous thing that we can possibly have. And what is worse is that we allow it. And this is where I’ll go back to the point of sympathy. For some reason, I don’t have revelation on that yet, but I will say that I have absolutely excused it in myself. I have ‘there-there’d’ myself about fear. You know, well this happened to you so it’s understandable that you would be afraid. You were betrayed ‘here’, so it’s understandable that you would be fearful and frightened, and you know, ah, overly cautious; I think that’s how I usually describe it in myself.
(J) Well isn’t that what Jesus couldn’t stand? The only thing really He responded about, about the disciples. He just literally went at them ‘raaahhh’, whenever they feared. They could be ambitious to have the, the second seat next to Jesus, and really it would never be a problem. Oh ok, yeah, yeah, well that’s not My place to give to you, but you know; but the second that they feared, boom, He hit them.
(Jennifer) That’s exactly what Martha talked about this morning when she was elaborating on that biblically for me. Since obviously I’m not… you know, I don’t swim like a swan (Jennifer laughs) through all this yet. And she talked about that. And I believe what you said was fear is unnatural, and it was inexcusable to Jesus; that He came after that. And then you also talked about the parable of the talents.
(Jennifer) And the one who said, well I was afraid because You’re such a hard Master… And it’s very clear that He called that wickedness and laziness. And uhmm.
(J) Why do you call it unnatural?
(M) Because we, we are created with ambition, we area created with the desire for power, but it’s inside Christ that we have that. The fear that comes in is from Satan. He uses fear to control us. And so, that evokes something that we call natural, but is actually unnatural.
(J) Well, I guess Eve had that fear brought up in her. That’s what, you know, basically caused her to question God, was fear.
(M) It’s very subtle, because he didn’t say ‘be afraid’, he said God is inadequate and your needs will not be met, and so she was afraid.
(J) Like you always say, he caused her to question, and then…
(M) Yeah, he caused her to draw the conclusion that he wanted to draw. So fear is outside of the natural creation, because that kind of fear comes from Satan, to control.
(Jennifer) So yeah, fear is an accusation of God. And ah, that’s uhmm… It was devastating in a wonderful way to have that revealed to me. And I, I don’t…and I told Martha (Laughing) I got a little loud. I said you know we, we approach people who deal with fear and anxiety… And you know I think stress is a form of that because it’s a physical manifestation of the fear and anxiety that we have. And we deal with them gently, we come at them gently, and it’s not gentle, it’s…
(M) Well, here’s what you said. I wrote it down, Jennifer. Fear has… “We think fear has legitimacy.” That’s a powerful statement, I wrote it in my journal. And fear and anxiety, anxiety is the new word, stress is the new word, for the sin of fear. And you made the point that humanly, even in Christianity, we have every sympathy for the fearful.
(J) We medicate them; that’s what we do, we medicate them. We have a long list of anxiety drugs that we dole out like candy.
(M) That is, we consider it natural and human, that was your point; that in believers it is rejection of God.
(J) Ooow, ooow.
(Jennifer) It is rejection of God; it is an accusation of God. It says I have every right to fear.
(M) Because of who You aren’t.
(Jennifer) Right, exactly.
(J) Who you aren’t. Yeah. (Laughter)
(Jennifer) Because of who You aren’t, because of what You haven’t given me, because of promises that I feel I deserve that I do not have. I have the right to be afraid. And I have the right to be comforted for my fear. No we don’t!
(J) Oh, my goodness.
(Jennifer) What just is kind of shaking through me right now is that the peace, the freedom from that fear on the other side, when you deal with it properly, which is to say put it under the Blood, repent, repent, repent. Dear God, forgive me, for not just believing this of You, but accusing You and living it out and doing it audaciously, with impunity.