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with Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow
(M) Then in some way I understood that I had to say more than "yes;" I couldn’t explain it, but in my spirit I instinctively knew that I couldn’t say ok, ok, you’re God, and you got me. And you’re in control of everything, what I have, what I don’t have, what I can do and what I can’t do; you’re in control. I knew that I had to say thank you, but I didn’t understand why. The thank you was different than the yes.
(J) This is going back to the Times Square message, the surrendering, yes, and then praise or thank you.
(M) But I wasn’t thinking of that at all. But just instinctively…
(J) Didn’t it happen before that anyway?
(M) It happened, no, it happened after Times Square.
(J) Oh, ok, ok.
(M) It just happened ten days ago.
(J) Oh, ok.
(M) I wasn’t even thinking of that, except that I knew instinctively that I had to say thank you. Because to thank Him, to say ok yes, you’re God, ah, that’s acquiescence. Years ago He said to me, because I was compliant, I was raised to be compliant, I’d say ok God, that’s what You want, that’s what we’ll do. He said, “I don’t want that, I don’t want your compliance, I want your consent”. It was a major change in my dealing with God, years ago. This is again what He was bringing me to. Thank you is, I’m with you, I’m going, it’s ok, I love it. I don’t know how to say it any differently. Just say, at one point I said yes, ok, just show me how You see, and yes, I want to hear. Then when I heard, I had to say oh, ok, thank You. Thank You that You own me that totally and You are in pursuit of me that relentlessly. And that You want me to come to the place where You’re all I have, but You’re also all I want. So the thank You opens the heavens. And I saw the reality and said thank you, then He began to show me the love in it. That it is the greatest security that I think I have ever felt, because His love was greater than anything in me. His love was greater than my stupidity, it was greater than my resistance, and it was stronger than my idolatries, stronger than my human weakness. And the security of that kind of love came into me like something so solid, that there was nothing to fear. His sovereignty is His love. I think I said in “All and Only”, “give me His sovereignty and I say oh my, but give me His love with His sovereignty, and I say oh wonderful”, or I wrote something like that. And this was, I keep seeing, I keep coming around or I go around a long process of life, and I end up on His sovereignty. This is another, deeper engram of my spirit of His sovereignty, and I want it, that’s the thank you. I want that sovereignty because it means He will win, and He will get me. He will get me where He has planned from eternity for me to be. I’m incapable of it. I’m incapable of the kind of loyalty He demands; so He himself is His own loyalty, to Him and me. Does that make sense?
(J) Yeah, it does, yeah. I’m trying to grasp it. I think this is the issue here. You cannot get this in your head.
(M) No, you can’t.
(J) This is not something that you’re going to wrap your brain around. It’s almost like He’s saying, the thank you is almost like He’s saying, ok, I don’t want a thank you out of your head. Yes, is out of your head, its choice. Thank you is not in your head, the thank you is from your heart; and the thank you is almost where your heart makes the connection to the whole thing.
(M) Oh that’s wonderful. That’s it. So what are you feeling? Let me read from my journal John, on this issue. It’s not bowing, that’s adult, that’s acquiescence. Thank you is joining. I felt so, ah, conquered, that I said, I’ve been forced to bow Lord. I have been forced into this corner. Ah, acquiescence is surrendering to an enemy conqueror. But ‘thank you’ is joining the King in His cabinet to serve Him, to walk with Him. It’s the difference between viewing Him as an enemy and as a Lover. Thank you is to a Lover. And He had to bring His sovereignty into the issue of love for me.
(J) Cause it’s from your heart.
(M) I’m wanted with the most fierce desire; I saw it that day, it’s hard for me to express it or even go back there. I am wanted with the most fierce desire, beyond anything I could imagine. And it’s God that wants me; He wants all of me. There’s nothing else but Him, there’s nothing else for me to want, but Him.
(J) The one says that you’re owned, a slave is owned, but a slave is not loved. I mean, anyone can be owned. Anyone can be conquered. I can break, I mean I can’t, but you can break anyone’s will to be conquered. Not me, but I mean Japan was conquered by us. We crushed their will, with that bomb. And that was done, as an enemy combatant. But the difference is when you say thank you for conquering me. And then somehow you’re wrapping your heart around it and you’re joining in on a love affair.
(M) Yeah.
(J) That’s the difference. And I think I have done that. I’ve said yes; and I’ve bowed and I’ve surrendered. And I still think I’m trying to get in my head around it. And I’m going to expose myself by reading this manuscript and making a question. And I was saying, it&ssquo;s from my head. But ‘I don’t want your head’, an enemy can be from your head. A lover comes from your heart. He’ll have to conquer that too. And I’ll have to trust Him in that.
(M) And the Lord showed me the real choice, I am owned. And this is John, what I’ve been through I think you could call, a mystical experience. It cannot be taught, and it cannot be transferred. But when I came through to the end of that I think I had, I was just driving my car and I had a split second, where I understood, I saw Enoch, who walked with God, and was not for God took him. I saw how He lived, he had no tie. He was free, he was free of everything on the earth. He just soared because he had nothing holding him. He walked with God. He didn’t walk with anybody else, now I’m not going to explain it. You either get it or you don’t. He walked only with God. I walk with dozens and dozens of people. But I want to walk only with God, and not be tied to any person or owned by any person, or want to own any person. I saw the freedom of Enoch.
(J) Remember on your birthday? Happy Martha’s birthday? Remember when you gave me a present? We did a podcast and we’ve never done it. And you did it on Martha’s Birthday. Maybe we’ll put it on next, about Enoch. At the end you go, Happy Martha’s Birthday. It’s really cute, it’s wonderful, and it’s about Enoch. Maybe we’ll do that one next, because it’s quite a message.
(M) But you know, that’s what I want, He’s put in me to want to be exclusively His. He’s put it in me to want that. And He’s going to achieve it. I am pursued by the most frightening love. And I’m more afraid now of that love, than I’ve
ever been of anything on this earth, because He has the power. He’s the one that has the power. He can orchestrate everything in my life to the minutest detail, as He did in New York. It was such a vivid experience of Him orchestrating the money, the time, the set up, the events that were going on. Everything was so orchestrated, I seldom see, or comprehend the level of His absolute control as we saw in New York. I think it was His example to show us that His control is every day. So it’s, any other fear goes ‘poof’ in the face of the One I met on that Tuesday. I’ll never forget Him. He will take me back a cycle again, to His sovereignty.
(J) It’s like I say, the blowing up of His chest and you go ‘Oooooo’, Your chest is bigger!
(M) That’s a male ‘thing’, it’s a male way to look at it. But I think deep down that the test is to believe that the darkness has power. And boy, it doesn’t!
(J) Power over me.
(M) Power over me personally.
(J) Power to take me out. And He’s saying there is no power. Nothing can separate you. That almost has become overused, and kind of trite now. But you know something, this brings it into, nothing can separate you. There’s an explanation point put at the end of that scripture. Nothing! What do you think is going to separate you, when I am after you? What do you think the God of the universe can’t do to make it happen?
