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Leave the Hate and Love Your Life
With Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow
Special Guest: Jennifer Wentzel and Joan Wentzel
This is the continuation of a series of podcasts started in Episode #663.
Do you hate your life? Do you hate YOU? We are created to be vessels of God’s unfathomable, consuming love. And that love is for us as well as the world!
There’s a verse, I think it’s in 3 John right before it gets to Jude. I’m not sure where it is but it, what it says is, “Keep yourself in the love of God.” And that’s always been quite a challenge to me because basically we don’t believe we are loved as much as we are. And if you… But “keep yourself in the love of God” means that you have to keep in the place where you enjoy His love for you. It’s another place. I have to include myself in the command to love because I started as I told before… The Lord said, “There’s someone you hate.” And I said, “No, Lord. I don’t know anybody I hate.” He said, “Yes, there is one. It’s you! And I will hold you accountable for that hate as soon as I would if you hated any other person.”
So I began a long time ago with this nudging from the Lord and, but… Keep yourself in the place where love can reach you is sort of the inference of that verse. Do you have it, John? Keep yourself in the place where you can have God’s love. In other words keep yourself needing His love and wanting to experience His love and keeping yourself without any barriers of sin between you and Him.
And that’s the thing that I’m enjoying so much right now with lavish forgiveness and unconditional love. Then I am… There’s a sense in which I am fortressed behind that love and I’m safe and I am filled, as John said. I’m full and I… All things, all kind of things go with that fullness. It’s a sense of being intact. That word ‘intact’ has always intrigued me because I want to feel as a person that I am completely intact. And… Not that I don’t need anyone but that I am myself.
I think we find that intactness when we are willing to love. I think that’s where the intactness comes. It’s not in developing necessarily your character, even though that happens. It’s more about love. Your, your character comes out of love. I don’t understand how exactly. I can’t, I can’t give you the ins and outs.
Oh, but the one character trait, the one integrity is love; basis; the one, the first. That’s brilliant, John.
So… Yeah, if you don’t love, then guess what? You’re nothing!
Um hmm. And you’re vulnerable to hate and to all levels.
And susceptible to it.
That’s what I mean. Um hmm.
Susceptible and vulnerable. You’re vulnerable to the attack and you’re also…
And it’s, and it’s the enemy also wants us to hate God.
And once you hate yourself, don’t we turn that?
Actually that’s what it is…
…is to hate God.
We’re hating God doing it.
When we hate the life He gave us, we’re hating Him.
Exactly. That’s exactly it.
And so that’s…
And as you’re talking, John and Martha, what I hear is that the love is not only the power it’s the authority over the hate.
Because God is love and His love conquers all so, therefore, love isn’t just isn’t a power it’s the authority of God to, to subdue the hatred.
We don’t know to fight warfare using love, do we?
And what I’ve seen in my own life is it is a real battle not only in your heart but in your mind to watch your thoughts; to stay in thoughts that are loving and things that are, you know, it’s that scripture: “Think on those things that are lovely and of a good report.” And it’s filling your mind, really, with, with the love of God in, in all its richness and fullness, you know; the wonderful things.
And, and just… But I have a responsibility to keep my thoughts because that affects my heart and filters in; and even about myself. I’m so pierced as John and Martha have been talking because I have, too, have lived in much hatred, much self-hatred and there is a neutral ground that you go to. Well, I don’t hate myself anymore but I can’t say I love myself. And that, that’s the work John’s doing and I see it as just a, an amazing journey and an encouragement to me to absolutely go into.
I was asking the Lord, again for years, “Please tell me how to love myself. I, I don’t know how. I have no idea how.” And I had somewhat of a breakthrough not long ago and He said, “All of your priorities where your self is concerned are not about loving your self. They are about just getting to a place where you’re not ashamed of yourself.”
So my only contention with all this is that I’m not sure there really is a neutral ground, such as we understand that. I think, maybe there’s a less horrible ground but, you know, it’s still not… Until you cross the bridge into love, it’s not really neutral. You’re still just varying shades of not so good, you know.
And I said, “Ok, well I told You I didn’t know how to love myself.” So, all right, fine, you know. I’m shamed based. Ok, so that’s where I am. I said, “You know, what do You want me to do?” And I didn’t say it nice like that because that’s not how I work.
And this is, this is the aspect of forgiveness that He’s been working out in, in my life: working to give myself a clean slate every day. That’s it! That seems such a straightforward and simple thing, and I realized I don’t think I’ve ever done that in my entire life. Which is probably why I have struggled mightily to give other people a clean slate, depending on what the offense was. How tied was it my wounds, you know? And if it was tied too closely to my own wounds, there was no clean slate. I didn’t have one for me, I wouldn’t have it for that person, you know. I would fight and fight and fight all day long. “I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you!” Tied! Tied in there.
And I, I think it’s really been changing things. There are places that I have been, like boulders sitting in my life I’ve been unable to move and they are wobbling from one thing: Forgiving myself, every day, for being me. Right?
Now have I crossed the bridge to love such as it is, no. This is a step of obedience. This is what He gave me. I’m to give myself a clean slate every day. I’m going to follow that until He tells me what’s next, you know?
And so that’s part of the process, too, John. And I want to encourage people with that. Sometimes it’s not so dramatic and you can spiral out and say, “Well, it should be bigger than this, it should be showier than this, it should be more obvious than this.”
Either I trust Him or I don’t. And, you know, there’s so much going on that the past two months has felt like two years. That’s, seriously, that is what it is has felt like because He is so on the move and there’re so many things happening not just in the world but in, in our personal body of Christ, in our church, in my life with Him. And I, I gotta say I’m content. I’m content to do that one thing until He gives me something else. It’s… And I’m not capable of that contentment. So I’ve got to figure that’s Him, too.
And it’s in our individual lives, absolutely. There’s movement in our individual lives.
Even how we interact with our self, see our self. It’s, it’s everything! He’s doing… I mean there’s something going on and it’s pretty amazing.
A lot of repentance going on and that’s where, where change begins, on your face and genuine repentance.
And I’m seeing that forgiving myself, as Jen says, for just being me. Some days it’s just as simple as that. It’s just for being who I am. I don’t even have to get up and do anything yet. It’s just being me. But forgiveness opens the door to love. Without forgiveness I will never be able to love myself. If I cannot forgive myself, there’s no hope of me loving myself or anyone else.
The reference I made earlier is Jude 20-21. I’ll read it from the NKJ. But I’m going to look it up in other translations. “But you, beloved…” There see he’s love. He’s speaking out of love. “Building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit. Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.” Keep yourself in the love of God. Ok, what, what is the definition that, Jennifer? Keep is, is actually guard.
The word ‘keep’ here is tereo from teros. I don’t know if that’s how you pronounce it. “A guard or warden. It means to keep an eye on, to keep something in view, to hold firmly, to attend carefully or to watch over it.
This scripture reminds me of Proverbs 4:23. And in the Passion it reads, “So above all guard the affections of your heart for they affect all that you are. Pay attention to the welfare of your innermost being, for from there flows the wellspring of life.”
And Brother John brings the benediction!
So I really, I really am challenged by this and this is where I’m at and I’m inviting all of you that are listening. If your heart has been pricked by any of the things that we’ve said, that you see that you are not in a place of loving yourself, I’d love to invite you into this journey because I’m sure that this is going to be something that we’re going to touch on in the near future. I think that as, as God exposes and trains us up and brings us into that love of self, I believe that we’re going to come here and we’re going, you know, share it with everybody and… Because it’s vital for us; it is vital for us. We will die if we do not have this.
And, so I, I really, I bless all of you to run with us with it and I’d love to hear in the comments anything that you want to, want to share and, and, you know, we’d like to, you know, have this be a dialogue as well. Because I, I think that He’s going to develop this and we can help each other. So thank you for listening and go love yourself!
Leave the Hate and Love Your Life – Episode #667 – Shulamite Podcast
Do you hate your life? Do you hate YOU? We are created to be vessels of God’s unfathomable, consuming love. And that love is for us as well as the world! You cannot hate yourself with impunity. Let go of that hate and let the love of God pour in!
Dear Douglas, I have read this several times. By God’s Word, you have revealed the true effect and the ultimate accountability.
In fact, you have completed this podcast message. Bless you!
What a wonderful phrase: “redeeming full repentance.” That promises complete freedom in Jesus.
Love you for such deep hearing, Sue…
OH my, convicted of hatred of myself and hatred of another…..guilty!!!!! Father, bring me to redeeming full repentance.
I immediately looked up Jude 20-21 in my Passion Bible, I will write it here for someone who doesn’t have this version
“But you, my delightfully loved fiends, constantly and progressively build yourselves up on the foundation of your most holy faith by praying every moment in the Spirit. Fasten your hearts to the love of God and receive the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who gives us eternal life.”
I choose to believe and stand on His precious word spoken through His delightfully loved children in this podcast.
I am picturing fastening to the love of God for mercy not only for my self but for all in my circle of life. Amen and Amen
Forgive me, forgive others, love me, love others, these go hand in hand, heart to heart. To forgive myself came loud and clear…in part, so I don’t put anything from me on others. What pours into a vessel, pours through a vessel.
This work is all Grace. My repentance has been in deep core places where I wanted to be free…yet never quite shook loose. Self hatred will sabotage love. The Spirit took me to the depths and death of it. I was in groans of repentance, and yet it’s been such a work of God that it’s been a repentence clean of condemnation, if that’s a way to say it…a counting on God. He’s been with me in my mess.
I’ve never had such an awareness of the Spirit’s timing, orchestrating, measuring, faithfulness in every direction…and protecting…while disclosing and laying bare foundations.
I’m astonished at how the 2nd. command is so key to putting a stop to the ways the enemy infiltrates with hate. Love is our safe place…as Martha said, “fortressed”. “So above all else, let love be the beautiful prize for which you run.” (1Cor.13:13b) And Jude 21 in TPT, “Fasten your hearts to the love of God and receive the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who gives us eternal life.”
These recent messages are so piercing. Thank you! God exposed deep hatred in my heart and I need to share how. Earlier this week I dreamed I had been investigated and convicted of murder. I was sure I was innocent, but was puzzled by my reactions–they were as if I was guilty. Then I saw the evidence–I WAS guilty! Tough I didn’t recall murdering anyone, I knew it was true. I awoke, disturbed by the dream, and went to prayer. The Lord made clear that hatred in my heart is murderous, whether directed toward me or others, and He exposed that hatred in me. We are accountable for harboring hatred, and repentance is needed if hatred is there. Loving ourself requires repentance and walking in newness; there is work involved. Guarding our minds and hearts, as you noted with the Philippians and Proverbs references, has taken on a much greater meaning for me than ever before. How wonderful that our God walks with us through all!
I felt inspired by the Holy Spirit to write this poem and I feel that it goes along with today’s podcast.
Who doesn’t have hurt Lord?
Who doesn’t have shame and pain?
We’re good at hiding it deep, Lord
until we think it doesn’t remain.
But in your wisdom you know
just how to go into my heart,
to set me free from this torment
and to give me a brand new start.
Every day is a new beginning,
to let you reach deep inside.
To take all the shame and the sorrow
and redeem the times that I cried.
You are faithful and true to me Lord,
even when I am in doubt.
You are working to set me free, Lord
because that’s what You’re all about.
Lori, How beautiful….thank you for sharing it with us. It captures the deep work of the Spirit!
THe last two lines…
You are working to set me free, Lord
because that what You’re all about.