Life And Death, Light And Darkness
With Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow
(M) You and I need to be willing to assume the responsibility the scripture gives us, to confront, warn, admonish, and go back over and over again. I think Hebrews three addresses that also, to go back and warn and admonish and correct, and confront, where there is evidence of bitterness and where the Lord has revealed the condition of the person. So, I know how to do that part, but I had to learn what the defilement literally does to me. It literally brings death to me, and I’m like walking around with relationships, and I’m not knowing that I’m being infected with the disease that they have contracted. Its a literal contagion. So, what the Lord is teaching me, which I’ll tell you briefly, the solution is that, and this is going to sound harsh, you can’t trust anybody, especially me. You can’t trust anybody. I’ve always said, some people get off the elevator, anytime, anybody, can get off the elevator of grace and going forward with the Lord and get off, get off the train. And you may not know they’re off the train; you may not know they’ve stopped. Someone called me the other day and she said, “I’m, I’m done with the Lord.” And I said, “Ok.” And I don’t think she expected me, me to say that, but I said, “You have that choice. You can be done with Him. It’s ok. You can be done with Him.” And we’re going on to solve it. But that’s your choice. We are that free. We can choose who we are on the inside. But what else this is doing for me, this experience of coming out of the defilement and disease of… It’s like, there are people I know there’s something ‘askew’, there’s something wrong and I’m frowning, but I may not know what it is. That’s the moment in which I begin, must begin to plead the Blood over my own self, because I go to pray for them, but I did not pray for myself. I go to get them well, but I didn’t go to…What you do in a normal contagion situation is you take care of your health. If you’re around someone with a cold, like at Christmas, I washed my hands five hundred times and prayed. And (Martha laughs), and I didn’t do much huggin’ and kissin’. (Martha laughs.) So you do that when you’re around someone spiritually sick and in darkness. And we’re not to leave them there. We’re not to accept it as what they have to do. Sometimes it’s such an ingrained, imbedded choice that you can’t change anybody, they have to do the choice. But there is a danger, as it’s written, that in the last days there will be terrible times, people will be lover’s of self, disobedient to parents, murderous, and so forth and so on; and we need the discernment. Also I was reading this morning that solid food is for those who by experience and practice have developed the ability to know good and evil, right and wrong. So discernment comes from experience. And I can’t remember who or where or when, but I do remember vividly that there was someone everybody was excited about, and I was the only one that said, “Oh no, uh-uh, not me, I don’t believe it.” That’s, and it proved to be accurate in time. But that’s how we need to be. I smelled something ‘rotten’, there’s no fragrance of Christ in this person unto God. There’s a stench of death. And now I know, I’m becoming better able to call it exactly what it will be, death and disease; spiritual death, choice of darkness, and disease. And so God so graciously and quickly restored me until I feel like I’m again functioning in my identity, my values, my ways, my relationship with Him. And it’s serving to, I don’t know how on earth I’ll express it and put it in writing, but it’s about the ‘hidden life’, how… It’s really about the booklet. It’s about how you have to live in the ‘hidden life’ that no one joins and no one can come in, and no one can touch and no one can contaminate. And I’ve got more riches about it of revelation than I can possibly put into words. But it’s crucial. It’s going to be crucial in the days to come, and in every day, every normal day and every abnormal day, it’s crucial that we live with a solitude with God that no one enters and no one knows and no one… And we are facing Him in light; we are coming to Him in the light. And the more we’re in the light, the more we will know darkness. And everybody has a ‘hidden life’. There are people that have a ‘hidden life’ of wicked, wretched, hateful thoughts and unspoken ugly words. That’s a ‘hidden life’. But that ‘hidden life’ will always be seen and known and come out. So, in the ‘hidden life’ with Christ, it’s coming into the light. And the scripture says they don’t come to the light because their deeds were evil. And we walk together in the light, only in the light; 1st John. And our fellowship is based on coming to the light, as Jesus was in the light. And when we come together, we’ve got to come from light, and then the Blood of Christ cleanses us, and we have fellowship with Christ and the Father. But first it’s the light. We don’t have the Blood until we have the light. So that’s been a crucial lesson for me, but I am so, just by recognizing that I have been defiled by death, not of my own. I can be plenty defiled by my own death, but I’ve been defiled by death not my own, and very damaged by it, despair that’s not normal, discouragement that’s not normal or typical, a lethargy that I know better. I know a life better than the lethargy and paralysis. And I really believe the evidence is that God is taking me through the purification from death. And much of it is just forgiveness. Much of it is just saying no one I will lean on, look to, depend on, have a source in no one. That’s really what it is. There’s sometimes that I want people to be with the Lord more than they want to be. I will strive with them when I should let them have their choice. So, Jesus… One of my verses of my entire walk, forty five years, this verse, and I have been bewildered by it, what it meant, and why it was so important to the Lord to give it to me over and over again. It’s the end of John two. Jesus had just been acclaimed. He had performed wonders, and many believed on Him. “But Jesus, for His part did not trust Himself to them, because He knew all men. And He did not need anyone to bear witness concerning man, indeed no evidence from anyone about man, for He Himself knew what was in a man.” He could read men’s hearts. And see, I have not really known the nature, this human nature. I have not known. I’ve known mine is, and I’ve called it completely corrupt; every human nature’s completely corrupt. But there’s a place where through bitterness and rancor and anger, you pass over from the human nature into satanic nature. And that’s what I didn’t know. That’s what has taken me many years to catch onto. That there is a place to go in your human nature, there’s diabolical and not of you. Someone was talking to me the other day and I said, “This is not you. This is not you. I know you; you are not this angry and hateful. This is the enemy.” So, that human nature that has the potential always to become a Cain and become a murderer, that story I see, I’ve been writing that book for what, ten years. I see it now in a new way, because the person who crosses over from human nature into satanic nature… And Jesus said to the Pharisee’s you are of your father the, the devil, and you have his nature, and you desire to do his works, you desire to. That’s when you leave human nature, with it’s own complete wretchedness, and untrustworthiness, and you pass into becoming the vessel of Satan. That’s where it’s very dangerous, and that’s where there’s death. Does anyone else have anything to share? (Martha laughs.) John’s over there writing furiously, so, not yet he says. And there’s still the grace of God. The grace of God is there for our bitterness; He’s there for my bitterness. The grace of God is always there. And we have to know the grace for ourselves so we can extend it to others as Julie did a little while ago. I have perceived such grace. I cannot but joyfully extend it to another person.
(J) The other day my art teacher…It’s funny, he always says that he doesn’t discuss religion or politics, but he’s continually discussing religion and politics. So, he did this diagram of God and us, and that there’s a, you know, a string between us. And every time that we sin or make evil choices that we cut that string that holds us together. And that what God does in His grace is He ties a… Have you heard this? He ties a knot in it. And then you cut it, and He ties another knot in it. And then you cut it and He ties another knot in it. And you cut it and He ties another knot in it. He says, and what happens when you tie a knot in a string? It brings you closer and closer and closer and closer to God. And he says that it goes along with that one scripture that said, “Though sin abounds, grace much more abounds”, because it’s bringing you closer. And that whole thing where Paul says basically the more you sin the more grace is there. What’s that one scripture? I don’t want to misquote that.
(M) It’s Roman’s.
(J) Then they say, then he says, well then does that mean we should sin?
(M) So that grace will be more, of course not.
(J) Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s the one.
(M) It’s Roman’s six, one.
(J) Then he talks about the Roman’s six, one, “What shall we say to all this, are we to remain in sin in order that God’s grace and favor and mercy may be multiplied and overflowing.” Then Paul says certainly not. But the fact is that He has set it up that His grace supersedes our sin, and actually catches us through it. So, I’m just really very… And brings us closer by His outpouring of grace and mercy. And I’m just real grateful for that. Just, I mean you know, as you look back at this last year, you know, I can see that He’s continually been showing up the weakness that really is there, and revealing my weakness, making exclamation points after my weakness to make sure that I know that there’s weakness in all the areas that I would be strong. And it’s just His grace. It’s His grace to extend continually to me the grace to show me that I am weak. And, that wasn’t what I was on, but anyway. That was a great diversion.