with Martha Kilpatrick and John Enslow
and Special Guest Jennifer W.
(J) Well it’s amazing that in tying with what Jennifer’s just been speaking about, if you rebel ah, against God’s choice, believing that He’s not good, for His choices, you are calling a curse upon yourself. You literally are calling those curses upon yourself because rebellion is….
(Jennifer) Is “not serving the Lord your God with joyfulness of mind and heart and gratitude for the abundance.”
(J) And it’s a curse.
(Jennifer) That’s absolutely, if you do not do that. He says because you did not, that’s why this, this, this and this.
(J) So, that ties it in perfectly with, with ah, what you were saying this morning, for me. It’s ah, you know, it seems almost unfair to say it, you go wait a minute, I have to accept the abuse? You have to accept God’s choice, that’s what you have to accept.
(M) Ah, this story comes to mind that happened. A woman came to see me, she happened to be a military wife. And she told me her story and it was… I’ve told this on tape at some point, but I wept over her story. She was the child of an alcoholic, there was no, sometimes no food on the table; she had to wear clothes that were hand-me-downs and that was embarrassing to her at school. She couldn’t have friends because her father was a drunk. And I wept. And when she got through with her story… And she wanted to go to the mission field; she and her husband were headed to the mission field. And I said to her, Sarah, as for Martha Kilpatrick, I weep for you. But as for God I must tell you, you have everything you need. I said you know, you haven’t told me that you went to school naked, that would be very hard. Did you ever go to school naked? She said no. I said did it ever occur to you to say thank you to God for the hand-me-down clothes? She said no. I said, well it wouldn’t have occurred to me either, don’t worry. (Laughter) It’s not natural. But I said, you are sitting here alive, so apparently you did not starve to death. Did you ever think to thank God for the food you did have, instead of being bitter with Him for the food you didn’t have? She said no, it never occurred to me. And I said well, it’ wouldn’t have me either, but that’s how we have to respond, we have to see what He gave, not what He withheld. And, and I said, did it ever occur to you that God prepared you for the mission field in your childhood to be alone? She said no, that never occurred to me. See, there’s such a sovereign plan before the foundation of the world. And her life was really changed, she wrote to me later ah, very much that to turn that view around and see God’s sovereign love and plan, it just, it removes all the pain.
(J) Yeah, right.
(M) And if you have no pain, what does it matter?
(J) Where’s the power in it?
(M) Yeah, if the pain is removed and the healing has come, and you accept, accept, accept the life God gave you, then you find out who He’s making. But if you curse that and curse God, which is as Jennifer says, actually to curse God, then you never discover your own identity and destiny. And ah, you’ve missed it completely.
(J) And in our culture of entitlement, you know, when we feel like we’re entitled to ‘A-B-C, and this is because I am who I am, this is how it should be, and we’re not entitled to anything. And ah, its God’s graciousness that He does give us stuff, but it, you know, it’s amazing, He uses everything.
(Jennifer) Well it’s that sense of entitlement that goes back to jealousy, because at the end of the day if you say I deserve this, this, and this, and we’re nothing but vessels, that means you’ve looked at somebody out there somewhere…
(Jennifer) who has this, this and this, and if you don’t have it, then you’re coveting that, and you’re saying why not me.
(Jennifer) Which is the same as saying, God you did me wrong.
(Jennifer) (Laughing) Which is exactly in “the Great Lie”, it’s all part and, it’s all, it’s all related.
(M) But the thing we don’t realize, that you’re learning early in your walk Jennifer, you’re so blessed to have this, this enormous ah, gift God’s given you in this. Because we, in the world, and especially in this nation, do not understand cause and effect; that many of the things that happen to us are because we have sown that seed, or we have cursed ourselves, or cursed someone else. And we don’t, we don’t really believe in cause and affect, we believe everything is an injustice. And that things that happen, we didn’t deserve that, well many times we did. Sometimes it’s just the chastening of the Lord, sometimes its just experience. But many times… And that’s what Deuteronomy 28 through 30 gives you, cause and affect. And the scripture is full of cause and affect. What you sow you will reap, what you judge you will be judged in the same measure. And it’s something that the nature of man refutes, I will not be held accountable. What you’ve done Jennifer is the most amazing, healthy thing, is that you’ve assumed responsibility for where you are, complete accountability, and it’s going to result in tremendous blessing. I’ve often said to people, your freedom lies in your complete responsibility for your reactions, your choices and where you find yourself today. And most people do not accept that much responsibility. So many times we can say, well I may be a bad person, but really it’s God’s fault because of the mother He gave me. Deeply we have a subconscious working out of things where it isn’t our fault. Yeah, I may be bad, but boy, of course I’m bad, look what You did, what You let happen to me God. And you are going against that very evil human tendency that ends up being cursed. And you’ve done ah, I don’t even know how to convey to you the wonder of what you, what you’ve got here, in your commitment to ‘get it’.
(Jennifer) Well, but its, (Laughter), its so funny, everything that your saying, was it six weeks ago? Not going detail because I still have some pride. (Martha laughs) Ah, when I was called to account here, in this ministry, and under the authority of John, and of course the authority of Martha, and my first instinct was to run (Laughing), get out, I’m done, leaving this crazy place, and this isn’t me, and this is a big mistake, a big mistake. And umhum, first of all pride said, you know, well yes, ok I do these and yes, I’m responsible for this, and thank You Lord for convicting me of this particular sin. All the while holding back some tiny corner, anywhere I could find a crumb that said, you’re not all bad, you’re not all sin, something that’s ok. But it’s also when you have that, repentance… You said it in your “CD of the Month” for November, so I’m going to reference it because by the time this comes out it will be out, yes?
(Jennifer) Ah, when you say not enough people understand: they equate repentance with God’s condemnation. They believe that to repent is to come into God’s condemnation. They don’t see it as repentance is, is the way to get to God’s love. It’s, it’s God’s love, not God’s condemnation.
(Jennifer) And once you get that, which is to say, once you’ve experienced true repentance, which I did, I could pinpoint exactly, but again, not gonna. (All Laughing) Umm, it’s unbelievable, it’s unbelievable, and then you look forward to it. What’s number one on my prayer list, morning and night? Lord show me, show me my sin that I can confess it and repent. Bring it, all of it, all day long, because it takes it off you, and I can’t carry it. So I need to confess it, I need to put it under the blood, and I need scourged, get it off me, get it out.
(Jennifer) As many times as it takes, which granted it’s multiple. That’s ok. But if you’re not… That’s what I crave now. I guess the closest thing I’d say, it’s like a drug because it’s a feeling of being clean in a way that I never had before that. You know like imagine not showering for a month, that shower would feel pretty good.
(Jennifer) This is like a thousand times better. So I want it, I crave that feeling.
(Jennifer) And I don’t think you can really have fellowship without it. I mean it feels like fellowship to me. It feels like…
(M) It is.
(Jennifer) Like I’m sitting there clean and I’m finally comfortable with the person there, and I’m not like oh-oh, dirt. I’m not constantly obsessing about what’s there. It’s a clean, ok, its just love. And that’s pretty addictive.
(M) Well the next booklet, I need to work on a little editing, is “Foundation Of Repentance”. So, and the wonder of it, and you have beautifully put it Jennifer. It is much to be desired. The fruit of it is as God says, the peaceable fruit of righteousness, and relationship with Him. So you have ah, you have struck the note for the next booklet to come forth.
(J) Well now that ah, “Eternal Power” is coming out next week, and that’ll be available. And then it’s “The Foundation Of Repentance”. And ah, you know, it’s kind of tragic, but it’s par for the course so-to-speak, that we do reserve in our thoughts and in our minds, a kind of a wall to ‘our wretched being’, “our brutal being”, as you put it in “The Great Lie”. We just, we say ok, that area is really, really bad, but I’m over here, you know. Or there’s a part of you that you can reserve saying, but, there’s a reason why, and I am wretched but, but don’t forget God, there’s this great ‘pocket’ over here that You really like don’t You. I really serve You really serve You really well, or I really do ‘this’, or I…
(Jennifer) Remember the time I gave the homeless man $20.00?
(Jennifer) That was good!!! (Laughter)
(J) Yeah, that’s good, yeah. So umm, and then when you do have that foundation of repentance laid, it really does lay low all of those walls, that, that reserve a place of goodness in you. You just realize, just like you have done, I am just, I’m sin, here I am, you know, so. One place I’d like to go in a podcast coming up is about self-awareness. And umm, I’d like to ah, about Adam and Eve, and about Eve’s awareness of herself, and about Christ, and Christ dealing with basically a conversation with Satan. But…
(J) But, umm, He didn’t enter into a union and a communion and lose everything for it. So I would like to give that as a, a tickler, for a pod-cast to come. I’m hoping that it’ll be the one right after this, because I’m really interested in talking to you about that Martha. The whole self-awareness, and how it was reflected both in Eve and in Adam’s dealings with Satan, as well as how it reflects rightly with Jesus’ ah, dealings with Satan in the temptation, so.
(M) Great, I’m glad you reminded me of that, because it’s an astonishing thing.
(J) It’s another thing that’s been on our ‘plate’ here, that I’ve been like wow, that’s, that is ah big, big. So I’m looking forward to talking to you about that as well.
(M) Ok, we’ll do it. Thank you Jennifer for sharing from your, your life, and your private secret place with the Lord. It’s just rich and I know it will help every age of believer.
(J) I, when I heard it I was just so impacted by it and I thought, ok, God show me anywhere that I am not truly walking out what You’ve done, the freedom that You have ah, instilled in my life. Where, where are You not, where are You not, ah, you know, getting the benefit in me because I’m withholding it, you know and thinking, through guilt or whatever. So I just, I appreciate it.
(Jennifer) Thanks for having guys. Glad I didn’t throw-up. (They all laugh.)