Quiet Moments With God
February 14, 2016
This is the continuation of a series of Podcasts started in Episode #479.
(Martha) They said to me, “Ok, now, you’re exhausted. You let us be the nurse, and you be the wife.”
(Martha) And that set me free from those duties that I had been doing, but it also gave me freedom to call on them for things that I would have normally done.
And as I look back on it, the most amazing thing I could see, that time was God’s time with Kenneth and Kenneth’s time with God. It was not for me, about me or between me and Kenneth. And God moved to keep me out of it serving Him so that He could minister to Kenneth. So I was not interfering and keeping him from hearing. I was not hovering.
(J) Oh, wow, umm.
(Martha) ) In fact, I shared this with my dear, dear friend, who’s assistant pastor, and she said, “Martha, I saw this on you. You were serene, and you didn’t hover.” Having experience I’m sure with a lot of people she could tell that was unusual. And it’s shocking, but I was not his god,
(Martha) and it was not mine to bring him to his end. It was not mine to usher him into heaven, to do whatever transpired between him and God. I watched it, and some of it I heard, but very little. And my conscience was clear when it was over, and when I could see that through Sue’s note, because I knew that God had kept me in my place, so that Kenneth could be in his place alone with God.
(Martha) Oh, thank you for that wow.
(J) Wow, wow, wow.
(Martha) And I’m so, I’m so grateful God did that, because as a Christian you would think you would be there speaking all the time and saying, “How are you?” but it was very peaceful and very quiet in that room. And I was there, you know, the whole time, of course.
This is very precious, and my pastor told it at the funeral. He was on one side of the bed and I was on the other, and Kenneth was pretty much sedated and at that time when he wasn’t alert altogether. And the pastor told me later that he said five words and he said, “Three of them were to you.” And he was listening to the pastor, and he had his head turned toward him, and I don’t remember his words were. “Hello,” probably. And suddenly he turned to me with tears in his eyes and he said, “I love you,” and that was the last words he said. But he did it, not because I was demanding to hear from him or because I pestering him or because I expected anything. But that was his last gift to me. And that was my precious…
(J) Because you were out of the way, God was able to work through him to give you something too.
(Martha) Exactly. And I think we’re supposed to be that with everyone. We’re not supposed to play God. And many times I would worry over him and fret over him, and God would say, “He had a God. I’m on duty. Don’t worry.” But it was an amazing experience, and really almost too precious to share. If I didn’t think the Lord wanted me to share it, I wouldn’t. But it’s an example. I think it’s a huge lesson in the rest. And the two priests of the New Testament were Mary of Bethany. Jesus said wherever the gospel is declared, what she has done will be a memorial. She was a priest to Jesus, not to the people around her. She was focused on Him. And the other one is John, the Beloved. He was the priest on Patmos that heard and saw into the heavens the final history of mankind with God. He was the priest. That’s what it’s like to have a focus on Him. And then, and I make the point in my book that people followed Mary – they didn’t follow Martha – because she was, I’m sure, somehow full of light and full of love, and..
(Martha) Life, umhmm. So, if will serve to show everyone the rest that those days, as you can imagine, and you saw were exhausting. But those days where I stayed in the position and should be at this moment also, they were, it was rest, because I didn’t move til God moved. I didn’t speak til God spoke. I watched. I waited. I loved Him and He loved through me, just like you described.
(J) You know, I’m thinking of the “JEV,” the “John Enslow Version.”
(J) I’m thinking of the word He gave me that, “Effort is blasphemy,” and when you’re in the effort, you are preventing God from being Who He wants to be.
(Martha) That’s the point, exactly. Very good, thank you.
(J) And there’s chaos. You create an incredible amount of chaos when you are in that kind of effort, because you’re playing God. You’re saying, “I can do it better.”
(Martha) Exactly. Umhmm.
(J) “And I know better,” rather than letting God be God. And so, “effort is blasphemy.” I’m looking and going, “Oh, my gosh, it really is blasphemy,” because it is blaspheming His actions and His desire to move.
(Martha) Oh, John, I see it this moment in a new way. It’s demeaning God as God and making myself god, and I know how to do it as a woman and as…
(J) Yeah as humans, and every single one of us can do it.
(Martha) Yeah, and have done it.
(J) Do it, do it repeatedly.
(Martha) But it isn’t supposed to be chaos. It’s supposed to be the beautiful order that it was. It was beautiful. And when he… I think he passed away in his sleep. The nurses were in the room as they usually were in the night. And then they came to me and said he was gone. I was awake, because they were making, they were talking, but I wasn’t involved. God didn’t even let me be involved in the moment that he passed away. It was between Him and Kenneth. That is very, very private. And it should be with all of us. It’s given me such a reverence for God’s defense of, “I’m his God. He’s got One. You don’t need to be one.” It’s getting in the way.
(J) Well, let me give you the perspective of if you had been in the way, you would have created chaos, because you would have been doing things, bumping around and telling the nurses to do stuff. You would have been in the way. You would have brought chaos, and it wouldn’t have been a peaceful entrance.
(Martha) That’s right. Oh, that’s so true, John, because he was very, very susceptible to noise. Exhausted. Four beautiful friends that came to see him, and it was the most wonderful day, the most wonderful visit for him and for all of us. But two days later he wouldn’t have been able to do that. He wouldn’t have been able to bear it. It would have been too much noise, too much. He was so weak. He needed all of his energy to get ready for his entrance. And I knew that instinctively. I don’t know that I knew is consciously, but I very much guarded him from visitors later.
(J) How frightening it would have been if you had prevented him from having his moment with God.
(Martha) Oh, it would have broken my heart, including God’s heart. It was simply, I was simply removed from those final, final moments.
(J) But you were beautiful in that. You were absolutely beautiful and perfect in what he needed and what God needed in the moment. You were in like a perfection of the moment.
(Martha) Ummm. Wow.. umm
(J) You believe me?
(Martha) It’s lovely. But you know if I have been in it, I would have broken into a communication that was going on and distracted him, and he didn’t have the energy to do anything more than just be there with God in secret and in silence. He didn’t have the energy.
(J) It’s such a check. It’s such a check for all of us to be, be a priest, to be focused on Him rather than being Him.
(J) Thinking we know better being Him.
(J) We can be Him. By focusing on Him, He brings His life through us, but if we think we do it better, pwwwh…
(Martha) We can do it without Him is what we really think. It’s always… We make much of fellowship and church and the Body of Christ, and that’s true. But there is a place where it’s just you and God.
(J) There’s more time of me and God alone than me and the Body.
(Martha) Uhhuh, and that’s healthy.
(J) Well, that’s the reality, you know?
(Martha) Oh yeah, I see what you mean. But it proves another thing too, John. If God tells you to be in your position, and you ask Him to keep you there; He kept me there, and I wasn’t even conscious of being in a position. I was just conscious of waiting for Him and watching for Him. “Is there anything You want me to do, Lord? Is there anything You want me to say?” “Nope, I’m doing fine.”
(J) Ohhh, Jesus.
(Martha) And to create that peace. The Lord created the peace in the room, that he needed the quiet. I wasn’t talking, I wasn’t asking. I wasn’t probing. I wasn’t, you know. It was just a quiet, it was a quiet… I can look back on it and know that God achieved the perfect end of this world in peace and quiet. It was so quiet. Somebody asked me how I was doing and I said, “Quiet,” and I don’t remember what they answered. But it’s not what you would expect. But that’s where I’ve kind of been a lot, just quiet.
(J) That’s why I hijacked you and brought you out into the middle of a field. Ahhhh, yeah.
(Martha) Well, a cold, January day. I’m thankful for the scenery, but I’m thankful for the warm car.