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With Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow
(M) And you know, John, so many times as a teacher, you are only…or speaker, you’re just a vehicle for words. But I think, I so believe that the basis of this walk is a relationship that I speak out of my relationship with the Lord a lot. And, but there have been people who really, really suffered with me and prayed with me, that are not close to me. I wrote a dear man, I’ve never met him. I wrote him and told him that I was healed, and he wrote me back and said, “Your illness was so painful to me, and I prayed for you.” And I’m just so moved by that, that people prayed, people that cared about me as a person.
(M) And, and there were many who let me know. And before the conference we sent out a plea for prayer, for me to have the strength to go through it. And people gave verses; I remember one was, “Call unto Me, and I will show you great and mighty things which you know not.” That, that verse was what I prayed.
(J) Which is what He did.
(M) Yeah, uhhuh, He sure did. And a lady that I had never met, that’s very dear to the office, called and gave that word, and others did. So, I want to just boast in the Lord, that He gave those people a heart for me. And I’m so grateful, to tears I’m grateful, because I needed so much prayer, just to live, much less speak. So I can’t wait to get back to the “Manna”, and to the “E-zine”, and I’m asking God to, to resurrect that. So … But I know it was very hard on everybody, although…
(J) It wasn’t hard on everybody; it wasn’t hard on us. The pain was to see you go through it. That was the painful thing. It wasn’t the work, or what had to…it wasn’t any of that. It was the fact that we had to see you in a weak state, and we had to see you where you were sometimes in pain, or sometimes, you know, whatever. We had to watch you go through that, and that was the painful thing because, as a man I couldn’t do anything.
(J) I could, I could bring you something to help you, but really, I couldn’t do anything to resolve the issue.
(M) Yeah, that would be…I would say to you all at times, I know it’s harder for you to watch than for me to live it. But I want to go back to the fact that God’s infinite, intimate, exquisite care is every detail, every detail.
(J) Well for you, I want you to know it wasn’t a big deal for us. We went through it with you; we joyfully did it. It was something that we did joyfully. It wasn’t without pain, but we did it joyfully; we would do it again.
(M) Awww, ohhh. Well, you conveyed that to me all the time. It was like there was a joy in all of you.
(J) We were living life Martha.
(M) I think you were very worried. Do you know of that?
(J) Uhmm. No, I didn’t hit where I can go; I didn’t hit that freak-out. I just was aware of you and wanted to facilitate helping you through it. But no, there was many words that I had that it… And I’ve told you that right? Didn’t I?
(M) Yes. You said, “the light and momentary affliction, yielding a far greater, everlasting glory.”
(J) Ok, well that word took me over.
(M) Oh, ok.
(J) At first I had to…I got that word and I held it, and I would look at it, and I would hold that word. But then at a point, I no longer looked at that word; that word looked at me, and took me.
(M) Oh, wow.
(J) And then, I never… You know, I’ve gone through things with you that I’ve been ‘oooooowh’, freaked out. You know, that’s my process. But this time, it was painful to watch you go through it, but it wasn’t… I wasn’t fearful, in that ‘oh my God’, you know? I had a promise, so I held the promise and the promise held me. And then, but I’m telling you, from all of us that did help you and walk through it with you, it was life. This is what life is; I’m so sorry to say, you don’t get to go through life without any trials and, and pains, and situations, you have to go through life. And if you went through a life with no pain, not trial, no situation, you don’t have any substance. Those, those are the moments that bring substance and the…
(J) Depth, absolutely. The band of brothers is developed and made in the trenches. Not in, the, you know, the test-tube of developing you. It’s in the trench. And we were in the trenches with you, and so we didn’t sit there and go ‘uh’. We weren’t complaining, we just were living life.
(M) You didn’t.
(J) It was life with you and with God, and we were seeing God do things, and His life was flowing completely, and so for you, know that it was a joy. It was painful, but it was a joy, because the Spirit was there, and God was totally bringing forth His life. And He sustained us; I mean you know; it was wonderful.
(M) Well the ministry, almost virtually, went into the grave, and…
(J) No, but it functioned, it continued to go on, and continued… It went into a supply mode. You know? It went into that back stage supply mode, but it functioned.
(M) And the people at the conference gave so incredibly, generously, to the support. And I could only do one booklet in that whole time, and that was so difficult. I would just weep over that, but I could not do it; I absolutely could not. But when it came, it was like the ‘river’. It flowed. It’s like; Julie used the word this morning; invitation. It’s like He invites you in, and you have the decision, but if you can get in that flow, everything is so easy, everything is easy. I’ve been doing practical work that has needed to be done, that I’ve not been able to do for a year, and I have had such fun, in some of the most (Martha laughs) tedious little things. And I don’t, I know that it will be expanded by suffering. By testing this will be expanded. But there is a faith that comes through. Oh, isn’t it James who calls it the trial of you faith?
(J) The testing of your faith.
(M) The trial of your faith yields all of these character qualities. And someone wrote me in a bit of a crisis, I wrote her back and said, “This is not a crisis of situation, it is a crisis of faith. So I’m going to pray for you the faith of Jesus as Victor.” But anyway, there’s a…joy. And it was a light and momentary affliction. It was long term. Do you know what the greatest suffering was? It was not in my body, it was the suffering of being willing to give up all effort, all work, all striving, and to ‘let’ God have this time in my life. I think that was my greatest struggle, to accept that I had to sit in a chair for hours at a time. Who wouldn’t love to sit in a chair for an hour, hours at a time and not have responsibility, but I found that an extreme suffering. And it showed me how much effort was still in me.
(J) People always say ‘the grass is greener’, and those kind of situations people always say oh, I’d love that. No, I’m sorry.
(M) Well it was like living in a spa. Everybody, you know, everybody was supplying everything; and even advising me how to get better, and so forth. And I learned to invest in my health as never before. And so, anyway, I just want to boast in the Lord that He has done what only He could do. And really it’s so much bigger than just having been sick for a year. It is so enormous, what He has done in me; I am different, I’m changed. So, life is different. John, I want to send that “Resurrection” tape to anybody that wants it, free. Can I do that? So if anybodies interested in that CD of the month on “Resurrection”, just let the office know, and we’ll mail it to you. John’s nodding his head yes, so he will do it. (Martha laughs)