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Shame, Signpost or Headstone
Walk and talk with John Enslow
Shattering Shame: Embracing Freedom and Reclaiming Our True Selves!
Hey guys, I just wanna reach out today and let you know that I’ve been in some training recently and the training was absolutely phenomenal. It was some of the best I’ve ever had and I really came away from there seeing so much of the necessity for just the connection that we can offer and the deep meaning that we give when we are connected, when we’re attuned to, when we’re listen to and when we can come to a place of wholeness and healing.
As a coach I’m looking to attune to guys. I’m looking to be there and to be connected and involved, but I’m not looking to teach or tell. I’m looking to basically bring out what is there, connect with a divine design, connect with the spiritual DNA.
One of the things that they were talking about is betrayal trauma and shame. And what I’m learning is that we can learn from our shame and grow. Shame is not a death sentence. It’s an opportunity and invitation to experience freedom. Shame is like a landmark. If we see it as an opportunity for directional change, we benefit and thrive. We literally can thrive in the presence of shame, when we use it as a signpost, a directional signpost to leave the shame and enter into wholeness and healing. But if we see it as a headstone, if we use it as a grave marker, we remain dead in the assessment of shame, and I never want that to be the case. I never wanna die in my shame. I never want to allow shame to take over so fully that I literally have it as a headstone and it’s the end of my life. That shame kills that life and kills my experience of life and my adventure of life, because I’ve gone from experiencing the shame to letting the shame be cemented and established and fortified and supported.
But if I can sit there and I can say OK, this shame is telling me this, but I don’t want that in my life, I can choose to leave that shame, I can choose to make a directional switch and change and move towards no shame. I can leave the shame and leave it in the past and let it just be a marker and learn from the shame. So shame is going to come.
Shame is human. Shame is since the fall it’s our story… shameful stories. But we can learn from those stories and we can move forward. We can go to the distance in those shames if we allow them to be a marker to say, I need to change, I want to change, I have the power to change and I can connect with Christ who is my change.
So I just wanted to say that because I am super encouraged as I’m writing this book on shame and I’m so I’m getting these shame stories, I’m so excited to see how how men have come out of their shame. How they’ve overcome their shame. Shames that are debilitating, shames that literally could take them under and destroy their creativity, destroy their capability and destroy their ability to truly be who they were created to be. They are overcoming those shames. I’ve got other guys who are in the process of doing that. They’re crushing the shame, but they still have that shame as the signpost. It still in their view and they are leaving it but it’s still in their view. And then I have other guys that just have come up on the sign and they’re saying “OK, How do I read the sign and get the directions away from the shame?”
So, I love you, I appreciate you, thank you for listening, and I look forward to continuing this dialogue about shame, and about how we overcome shame, and the victory that we can have over shame, as we literally use it as a learning tool, rather than a death assignment on our lives. I love you!
Shame, Signpost or Headstone – Episode #856 – DivineDesigned.Life
Shame is either a signpost or headstone. Shame is a directional marker or gravestone, receive it’s assessment or use it to learn from.
Thank you, Pauline for exposing your heart & sharing those difficult memories in your life. I so appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable èven though your separation from your family happened before you were saved. Yet, I know even today the pain you express is very real. I Thank the Lord for making you white as snow & giving you NEW life! I also am so thankful John’s podcasts are ministering to your heart with healing & helping you see with eternal eyes how the Lord is your KEEPER in all things. Be encouraged, dear sister & may His peace that passes ALL understanding guard your heart & mind through the blood of the Lamb!
Thank you, John. Still in process with this (don’t even like the name, but it’s reality).
When I was in my twenties and not yet saved, I had a breakdown and suddenly just left my family (husband and two little girls). Shortly after I was released from a psychiatric institution, I was allowed visitation with my girls one day a week. A year later when my husband re-married (Catholic – he initiated an annulment), that stopped.
Though I’ve reached out many times over the years, there has been no reciprocation. There hasn’t been any contact for almost 50 years, except for seeing them at my Dad’s funeral and a card from one of my daughters when Stephen died 3 months ago.
Mother’s Day, their birthdays, etc. are always difficult and haunting.
Except for my oldest grand-daughter, I’ve never seen my other four grandchildren (except on Facebook). Three are college graduates and one was recently married.
Feelings are real and not sure how to distance myself from them except to rehearse that this happened before I was saved; it’s all under the Blood and pray that the Holy Spirit take them up and draw them to Jesus.
It’s kind of paralyzed me from getting close (much less transparent) to others at church; fear of being judged.
I guess we really do reap what we sow.
Keep sharing, John – I want victory over this.