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The Child-like Wonder of Not Knowing
October 2, 2016
With Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow
Special Guest: Carole Nelson and Jennifer Wentzel
This is the continuation of a series of Podcasts started in Episode #510.
(J) Here’s crazy. It feels like you’re being responsible when you’re in that place. It feels like you’re being responsible.
(J) It feels like you’re uh…
(Martha) Humble? Being humble and surrendered?
(John) Well, it does that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it does that too. It’s also responsible, because I’m managing it. I’m doing my duty, yeah, absolutely, unfortunately. Because it always feels, it feels good to the flesh to parent itself. It always feels good. It always feels right, and it always feels like it’s a good job. “Oh, I’m doing such a good job,” because I am parenting myself. And God wants us to live in wonder. And that’s the difference. What you’re talking about, Martha, is that you’re living in wonder. You’re living in the wonder. You’re not living in frivolity, or you’re not living in irresponsibility. You’re living dependent. You’re living, it’s not haphazard and frivolous. It’s dependent. And it’s saying, “This is Your life. This is Your will. I am Your child. You have to tell me what to do.” And then you go free in wonder, not, “Ohhhh, I’m carefree, I don’t have any responsibilities, and I don’t have to do anything. I can do whatever I want to do.” That’s not it at all, because you’re literally saying… You’re looking at the world with your eyes wide open, saying, “I’m ready for omni-possibilities. I’m looking for everything to happen, because You’re the God of everything, and so show me what it is. What’s today? What is it? What do You want to do?” Because, I mean, I don’t know what’s going to happen today. Your eyes are wide open. You’re in wonder, and that’s what it is.
(Martha) I believe that’s why the message could be light, because I’m light now at last, and it is. One day I tried to keep up with all that happened when I would do that. I can only remember one day there were five people from all over places, all around the country, and the Lord did such amazing things for each one individually. And I got to listen to Him tell them His mind, and I was merely, as Carole, the vessel. I just was a vessel. I got to listen while He gave them secrets of the universe.
(J) If you had been adult, and you had done it yourself, it would have taken you under. Those are five people’s lives with not mild things. These are major, major, major life changing, life altering situations, and you literally were able to live in wonder in even their lives. He was Sovereign God. He was your Daddy. He was able to do it all, and that’s pretty fascinating.
(Carole) But you have had a mind bowed to His mind, and that bowed… Is that true? That’s true. I believe because your mind is bowed to Him, that faith rises in you. You were saying that the faith, the believing comes… We are able to believe. You believed that He’s going to… You didn’t just say, “Come,” as a child. You absolutely believed He was coming, and He did.
(Martha) Yes, yes. I expected Him. I expected Him to come. Not that I’ve always lived this way, but I’ve just expected magnificent things. I expected the abundance of God, the wonder of God. I didn’t call it wonder. That’s marvelous, thank you for the word. But I didn’t have an agenda. I wasn’t on me. When I didn’t have a plan, and He had the plan, I didn’t have to think. I didn’t have to fret. I didn’t have to worry, I could just proceed with the day, and it happened to me.
(Jennifer) I just had such a clear picture of the impediment to that. You say the name of this message is “I Think Therefore I Know.” Right? That’s the name of the CD of the Month we’re talking about. “I Think Therefore I Know.” And you were talking about that, and you said, “You know, when we think we know, that’s us taking God’s place. We’re saying we’re God.” Ok. So, if I’m God, the weight of the world does rest on me.
(Jennifer) So, when someone calls me with a problem, I feel it like a ton of bricks, because I have to know how to fix them, because I’m God.
(Jennifer) Is that not crazy? But that is most of my life. That is my bent, ‘the fixer.’ People call the fixer, they unload their problems on. I take the problems on, because it’s my job to fix it. You know, let’s leave aside, because there are all the words, and we’re just going to get bogged down if we come up with 27 different ways to say presumption and arrogant ass, ok!? So, we’ll just leave it… Ass as in donkey, people. Minds up, minds up! Ok. So, I’m not gonna go down there. What I’m going to say is, when I’m not God, it’s not my responsibility to fix you. It’s not my responsibility to know, so my scrambling thoughts aren’t in the way of what God actually wants to inject into this situation. And I did experience that not too long ago, and it was, honestly it wasn’t me sitting out and saying, “Ok, here’s how it’s going to play. I’m not God, so it’s not my responsibility…” I mean, it wasn’t anything. There was no forethought, no preparation, no any of that. It was me at the time being very tired, very weak, and literally having nothing. It’s a real gift to be totally bottomed out, I gotta tell ya. That’s how the Lord’s getting there right now. He just… When I am just a waste of, I’ll say human space, because I’ve got no energy and just nothing – I’m just a blob – He really comes very powerfully. So, it’s a real indictment of me, who I am with energy that’s not His. But He came, and He did that, and it was so freeing. I got off the phone call, and instead of feeling so heavy, like I have so many times before—It’s less and less all the time now. I’m not saying He’s not working. He is. He can conquer me. He is, there’s no question about that—But I actually felt energized.
(Jennifer) Because I had a reward for getting out of the way and letting Jesus’ feet be on the ground, letting His words go out, being a vessel for His life. I was rewarded with LIFE. I never understood that before when you’re charged after that. I always kind of equated it with like an adrenaline rush. It’s not an adrenaline rush. I believe it’s literally life coursing through me, a gift of greenery, of cells that are being fed, and they’re happy, and they’re plumping up, and I’m being rewarded by the God of the universe for letting His Son be. There’s a bliss with that.
(J) It’s a quickening of your mortal body. It literally, physically affects you, because you allowed your spirit to be conduit for the divine. But it affects the entire body, you know? And you’re literally charged. How many times do you take something on like that, and then you’re like, “ughhhhhh!” And you’re just exhausted, and it sucks every last bit of life out of you. But because you literally allowed Him just to be the life coming through you, the conduit, it literally… I don’t think it cannot not bring life to you. You know what I mean?
(Martha) You were giving His life, and so you got it. I had the same thing happen to me this afternoon. Someone called, and she’s very submitted to the Spirit, and that makes a big difference, to her credit. The Holy Spirit started flowing through me to tell her some solutions, things I never thought of before. And in the middle of it, I had an answer… He gave me, as I was telling her, I realized He had given me my question answered in His life going forth. It was just easy and wonderful. We were like two kids. And He was brilliant, and I got to listen. But I have said to Him, “I’ve turned a corner in my health. What happened? I don’t know what happened. Was it the food that’s You’ve given me.” “Yeah, umhmm.” But there’s a principle which… It will be taped, because it’s going to be in this prayer series I’m doing. But I saw the answer, and it just opened up a revelation, huge revelation of the Kingdom that I’ll be sharing. And what happened to me was coming back to the Kingdom as my first priority, and everything was added to me then. It’s so exciting. But I got it by letting Him speak to her, and I didn’t try. I didn’t try for once. I didn’t, I just said… She wanted to call me, and so I said, “Come on,” and then He just came. It’s so, the whole thing is so easy. It’s just so easy. And that’s coming across in what I’m saying, and that’s the life He’s given me of this child that just says, “Wooo, what, what?” And maybe it’s cleaning my kitchen and scrubbing the floor. Maybe it’s not anything really spiritual looking, but… What?
(Jennifer) Ok. This morning, I’m not going to go into details, but you came down to talk to me briefly. You had just heard about a situation that was very disturbing to you. I could see it sitting on you, and I couldn’t go where the heaviness was. And I was just like, “Aaaaaa, you know, well…” And it was, when I was talking to you, I was talking to you so matter-of-factly that I almost felt rude, because it’s not like this isn’t serious. Of course, this is serious, but I couldn’t make my tone go there, I couldn’t make my spirit go there. And you came out of that, and then we went to a completely different level. We left that and moved off. But, Martha, that is the literal impartation of the Spirit, where it’s, even the words aren’t even necessarily the focal. We always look at the focal, but it’s like the seed, the thing around the seed that holds all the life in and protects it and then feeds it, and all the rest of that underground. It’s the way in which you could quote scripture in the flesh, and have it be death or scripture in the Spirit, and it’s life, because what’s it wrapped with? What are these words wrapped with? What are they carried on? What is flowing them? And you in this message, “I Think, Therefore I Know,” the Spirit wrapped your words with a buoyancy that we don’t normally associate with this particular topic. It’s not terribly buoyant to think about distinguishing soul from spirit, spiritual discernment, all these things that seem like very sobering, serious sort of conversations. And you just… It wasn’t just that you were light. That’s not… It literally was effervescent almost. It was this buoyancy. That was the Spirit in you carrying these very… And they are sobering. They’re sobering words, but the Spirit that wraps them… So, the anointing of this message is something else entirely. And I’ve never thought about it before, but sometimes when people call – I’ve had four phone calls I realize in the last two weeks that I didn’t even make the connection. They called, and it was like getting a phone call from Eeyore. That’s kind – Eeyore, who had taken a few too many Quaaludes and was drunk. That was the spirit that was coming through. I mean it was that down. You know what I mean? It was that down, “Bwrrrrrrr,” and I couldn’t go there with them, but I also wasn’t bothered by it. But by the end of the phone conversations, it wasn’t like I really said anything. I didn’t say to these people… I didn’t give them the answer that they were talking… Really, I just listened and spoke a few words and acknowledged them; a few, “Oh, uhhuh, no, I see; yes,” but my tone didn’t match theirs because my spirit didn’t match theirs. But at the end of the conversation, each one of them was more to the level of buoyancy that I was. But I didn’t say anything profound. They weren’t asking me to say anything profound. There were a few words of encouragement that if you looked at under a microscope, you’d be like, “That’s pretty standard. There’s nothing…” I mean, for a couple of them, for two of the phone calls, I literally said, “It just comes to me to remind you that you are loved.” You know? “God loves you.” I mean, that’s such a basic… You can go into a Hallmark store and be assaulted with that particular message if you’re really in need, you know? But it’s about the spirit. They needed a spirit to break though that soulishness that surrounds, that heavy, dense, oppressive spirit that was on them. That is amazing. What a picture. All those years that John said, “The impartation, a living impartation.” And I’ve understood that on one level, but I’m seeing it on a whole different level, whole different level.
(J) “Not giving just another message, but a living impartation.” DaDaaaaaaaahh!
Thanks to all . . . this conversation has challenged me: I have made my God too small.
“It literally was effervescent…”
“Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. But we all, with unveiled face, be holding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”
2 Corinthians 3:17-18