The Fake Persona
June 30, 2013
With Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow
Special guest: Vicki Harris
Today’s podcast is rather special for us. We were doing a conference in Palm Coast, Florida, and the series of podcasts that we’re currently doing about jealousy were being released while we were there. And what we have to feature today is a verbal comment, which is kind of cool. Vicki Harris, who hosted the conference down in Palm Coast, had some amazing insights and comments about the podcast that started on June ninth entitled “The Green Eye”. And so, the cool thing about it is that Martha and I had gone back over the point that Vicki was making and she was commenting on the very same thing. So this is really a treat for us. We really appreciate all the comments you leave on the podcast, and so to have a verbal one is a special treat for us. So over the next couple of weeks we will be having a podcast that we invited Vicki to come in and just share some really wonderful things.
(J) Ok, so what I’m seeing about people in extreme jealousy is that they are so discontent with their own life that they go about harvesting out of other people characteristics and aspects of their life to build their own… It’s a discontentment with their own creation. And the reason why it’s such a satanic principle is they’re going about recreating themselves into their own image. They don’t take, they’re not allowing God to have created them, who they were, and then cultivate and develop their own character. What they’re doing is they’re going about and they’re saying I like this aspect of this person, I like this aspect of this person, I like this aspect of this person, and they start to make themselves. And it becomes satanic because it’s a lie. They become a liar and they become co-joined with Satan because it’s a lie. And the reason why it ensues jealousy out of other people is because it’s so demonic and so satanic. When we’re in extreme jealousy we’re with the father of lies, rather than the Father of us; the Father of heaven and earth and us, because we’re… it’s just like what I said. We’re trying to create ourselves and we cannot do it. We cannot do it. We have got to be who we are. God created us, created our life and created our circumstances, and that is who we are. And we can develop in that, in those constraints. But when we refuse those constraints and we look at someone else’s constraint and we say ‘I like their constraint better’, which ‘hello’, contentment is not in human nature; it’s not. Discontentment is, is what we are. We’re all discontent since Adam and Eve, we all… I mean, you’re in the garden, and then you say, eh, I want to have it higher. It’s just the way we are. We’re discontented people. But when we in our discontentment look at the grass is always greener, and we look over there and we say ‘I want that!’ and we go to capture it. It just, it has a real satanic flare and ah, propulsion and energy. So anyway, I don’t know. That’s what I’m seeing.
(M) That’s brilliant, John. You’re describing a prototype. And that’s what’s behind it, and that’s how it operates. Exactly that. It’s amazingly a person who is developing ‘self’ into something for the public with no private integrity, no common basic decency. With no… When a person gets to that level of jealousy they are amoral. They have no ah … I remember someone extremely selfish said to me once, “If you murder it’s a sin, but if I murder it’s alright, because it’s me.” And I couldn’t understand that statement, but it’s someone who says, everything is ok for me because I…
(J) Am God.
(M) Well, I am God, yes. It’s…
(J) Well if you’re trying to create yourself, if you’re trying to be your own creator, you think you’re God.
(M) And it’s this basic satanic thing; I will exalt my self above the Most High God. And it’s not, it’s common, it’s everywhere. It’s gonna come after you if you follow Jesus. It’s going to hound you. It’s going to come in many guises. It’s gonna come straight at you or it’s gonna come behind you. It’s gonna come around you, but if you have developed a real life, those with empty souls are gonna seek your life. Now this, what I’m about to say is not necessarily anyone in particular. But I remember reading about a man, the man who killed his pregnant wife and claimed on… It was recorded on 911, that he claimed someone else killed her and his brother turned him in because he gave the gun to his brother. Anyway that’s an old… The criminologist who commented on it said, from interviewing him, that he had no personality, but was fully capable of mimicking one. That’s obviously an empty, unsaved soul. But I think there are many who parade as Christians who really are empty souls and seeking an identity that they don’t, they don’t feel they have. If you are empty, if you believe you are empty, you have begun the discontent that leads you down a really dangerous path. Because we all have, have an identity.
(J) And I’m not saying don’t develop your character, because that’s, that’s godly. That’s what we’re supposed to do.
(M) Exactly, right.
(J) But what I am saying is when you pick and choose what you will be it goes ‘off.’
(M) And then you pretend to be that, then that is the life of the lie. And it becomes ambition, just like James says, every demonic activity and confusion.
(J) Lord Jesus, help us.
(M) (Martha laughs.)
Today we just finished the conference yesterday, and today we’re kind of reflecting on the conference. We did it in Palm Coast, Florida. The message that you delivered, it was, it was kind of amazing because at the very beginning you gave a secret, a key to the message itself, and you did it in your ‘pattern-esque’ Martha way where it’s just this ever so slightly pointed thing, but you could totally miss it. And ah, you know if you’re listening for it, it’s there, but if you’re, you know, kind of half-in, kind of half-off, you’ll miss it. And then basically at the end the ‘Kapow’, the big bang, so to speak, you had to key it with that particular aspect. And I’m not going to tell what it is, because I hope people will listen to the message actually. But I was kind of amazed. But then today we were able to get with our lovely friend Vicki Harris, who actually has been on the podcast before, ah, when we were in Austria with her and we went to Mauthausen, the concentration camp. And so, she and her sister, Carol, invited us down here to speak, and we did the two-day conference. Now as we’re reflecting, we also had to do, because we didn’t have a podcast, we needed to do it immediately, and so we did it on jealousy, which is the subject that you were on. And so when Vicki came to eat lunch with us and send us off, she had some reflections on the podcast, which I was really, really kind of blown away with because I realized, she got it! She absolutely got what was said.
(M) And had insight, rich, rich insight. And ah, I was a little troubled by the podcast. Not because it was a personal story, I didn’t care about that. I didn’t really, didn’t want to even talk about a person who was so jealous, but that’s where it went, so I thought well I’ll leave it.
(J) You didn’t want to expose someone.
(M) Even though no one would know who it is. But Vicki so grasped and personally applied it and encouraged us about it that I was really glad we did it. And her insight was so rich. She even brought her journal and we got to hear a little of it over a delightful lunch.
(J) So the cool thing is is that instead of having a written comment at the podcast, we’re actually gonna have a verbal comment left by Vicki, which is, it’s a lot of fun. So Vicki, on your, on your verbal comment, what did you glean off of the podcast today?
(Vicki) Well, as I was listening this morning, the very first thing when the podcast ended, that just kind of scooted through my mind was a quote that many of us were raised with that says, “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” And I thought, no! I, I just, no! It creates a persona. That’s what the Lord showed me. That when we look at someone else, which truthfully, growing up I can remember looking at people around myself and thinking, oh, I love the way she lays her hands in her lap. It looks so lady-like. I want to do that. Or, oh my, that girl handled that snotty girl’s comment with such poise and oh I gonna remember that phrase. I’m gonna say that. And as you layer that on yourself, it is like just slapping clown makeup on or something, and you become a persona. You are not real. You are a lie, because, John, something that you said in the podcast that so deeply touched me is that only the Lord can give us character. He, the revelation of Christ in us is character, is our character. And so I was just blown away, because it is something in my life that I have dealt with and perhaps still deal with. And so, I’m just, that so, so encouraged me. And as I was kind of letting that percolate a little bit the other thing I thought, you know, when I direct my gaze to another person rather than Christ, and I’m looking for my identity or how people perceive in someone else, then really I am placing myself in the position of ‘a god’ to say ok I like what you do. That is acceptable. Oh, I hate what you do. And so you become this judge of actions, reactions, personality, mannerisms. You name it, I guess. And in saying I want that trick but I don’t want that. I do want that. I don’t want that. I make myself God, and I’m telling Him that who He has created me to be is not sufficient. He is insufficient, He is not fair, He… I judge Him, I’ve judged Him, I’ve made myself God. And so those are to two things that hit me, and I guess I worded it, I don’t remember who in our conference made a comment about our primal being, but what hit me, I feel like the Lord was showing me is my, our primal being is that being, who is totally unsatisfied with Him and who has said, no, You are not good enough, therefore I will fix me. Don’t worry.