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The Heart’s Decision
With Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow
Special guests: Jennifer Wentzel, Jacquelyn Nawrocki, Carole Nelson, and Julie
(Jennifer) I think the gift of God was that the heart response was not hidden in anyone, even from themselves, is what it seemed to me. And I think that was it, it wasn’t so much an exposure for you if you happened to be looking around to someone. For me, it was an exposure of my heart to me. What is my response, my instinctive response, and what am I going to do about that in my personal relationship with God. And that is a gift; it’s painful, but it is a gift to have that heart response there, and unhidden from myself. And I think (Jennifer laughs) if they wanted to, people were exposed to themselves, which to me is far more valuable often, than even being exposed to other people because we lie so effectively to ourselves.
(M) Jennifer I wonder if that… I was certainly vulnerable to myself and to the Lord for months before the conference. But I wonder if our transparency gave people permission to see what was in their own hearts, and to respond to their react… to respond to their response. I don’t know, I just ask the question.
(Jacquelyn) And then to make a decision. I wonder if the word over this conference is ‘decision’, because if you get down to your heart, you’ve got to say yes or no.
(M) I was so conscious of the booklet “Decision”, because it had just come out. I was so conscious of the topic that I tried to avoid it. Isn’t that silly? I had just written it, and I was so excited about it because I know it’s crucial, it’s pivotal, it’s everything, and I was so conscious of it that I was trying not to be. So, you’re right Jacquelyn, the whole conference was about decision, and always, that’s the aftermath really; my whole intent and calling and purpose and name is ‘decision’. So it leaves you with a choice.
(Jacquelyn) And speaking of the booklet “Decision”, Julie had asked me how I felt about it. And I’m one that has to take a page at a time, and really absorb it. But I simply looked at the book this morning, and I knew exactly how I felt about it. It is a given to me that it is from God, and that I will be impacted by these booklets because of that. That’s my total description.
(Carole) Ok, well, since we’re talking about the booklet, I have this to say. And I think Martha called and asked me my response and immediately I had two responses to it. The first one is, it absolutely held me in one hundred percent responsibility for everything I think, say and do, where I am, where I not am. Where I am not. (Laughter) And then, it gave me absolute hope, and empowered my power of decision. Amen, the end.
(Julie) Ok John, you can take this or not. You see, I was so excited about the message in the booklet “Decision”, that I really could have just stood on a table and told everyone at the conference, “You all need to just go ahead and buy fifty copies because you’re going to know that many people that need this message.” But nobody ever asked me to, so I didn’t. (Laughter)
(Jacquelyn) It has caused me to want to make a decision every morning toward God, “I will not deny You, I will love You with all my heart and all my soul and all my strength and all my mind. And in reading Charles Scott, because I think Martha mentions him and his book in her booklet, I have realized… Ok, his decisions saw him through. And I have realized that… (Jacquelyn whispers, I forgot what I was going to…. Laughter)
(J) Blooper, it’s a blooper. (Everyone is laughing)
(M) Why are we laughing? Plead the Blood, because it’s important.
(Jacquelyn) I just had a knowing that… And this is so elementary and everyone’s going to say ‘duh’, that our decisions get us through every day. Our decisions got us through the conference.
(J) Was that it? (Laughter)
(Jacquelyn) I guess that was. (Laughter)
(J) No, not, not, I didn’t men to say it like that, I meant; no, was that, was that what you were, that you were, that you had lost?
(Jacquelyn) Kind of sort-a. I don’t have… And perhaps it was just a God thing with me that impacted me, and it…
(M) No, no, no Jacquelyn, that is the point.
(M) That is the very central, essential point, that it is your decisions, not your efforts.
(M) That gets you through.
(Jacquelyn) His, Charles Scott’s decisions really weren’t about God, they were, “I will not write anything down”, and how much more powerful, if your decisions are about God?
(M) Yes, yeah. His decisions were… He was a praying man, but his decisions were about integrity and country, which he was, was his vocation. Yeah, but God supported his decisions, and he said later that his decisions were what kept him from failing. And that was the point. You got the point that I wanted everybody to get out of the book, is that we can’t perform, we can’t be faithful, we can’t be, we can’t be anything that is lasting and committed, we can’t be any of that. But we can decide, and then God supports.
(Jacquelyn) Can you recall what you said in ahmm, “Adoration”, about how… I think you said something about how our decisions become a highway? I often say, I’m making this decision, and I’m getting on this train, and God I’m assuming that You’re driving it. (Laughter)
(M) Perfect, well said. I don’t need to quote “Adoration”, but it was something like, “your decisions are a highway, and your decisions drive you,” (Jacquelyn interjects “yes”) and get you there; something on that order. But that makes me excited about the booklet, because that’s what I wanted people to see.
(M) And it relates to the issue of authority too, because authority can help you make decisions. Authority can tell you what decision you need to make.
(Jacquelyn) And sometimes I’ll say to you, “I want it”, and you’ll say no, no, what is your decision. And I changed I want to I will, that is my decision.
(M) Yes, yes, yes.
(Jacquelyn) Because if you ‘want it’ that’s nebulous, and it’s never going to happen.
(M) It’s a maybe.
(M) Carole and I were clapping in the background for that statement. (Martha laughs) We were doing it silently, but.
(Carole) After I finished with the booklet “Decision”, I just went back and started through the Beatitudes in Matthew five, because Martha’s always on that anyway. And so I just started writing down each one, “Blessed are the poor in spirit”, I will! “Blessed are”, I just started writing them down as absolute decisions. Well, at some point during the conference, I was really struggling over the worship, and Jacquelyn wrote in my notebook, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, you will be filled.” So it was coming back, my decision was coming back to me right then. And then, during the conference, there was this precious, precious person, Cindy Paulson, and I just watched, her eyes got bigger and bigger and bigger over the weekend while Martha was speaking. And at the very end, Martha had finished, and I jumped up and ran over to her and said, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled.” And I saw the whole, it started with my decision, the Lord fed me, and I, and then it poured out of me. (Someone says in background, “It bore fruit.”) It bore fruit. You don’t have to put that in there, but anyway, it was just so, it just, I mean it just erupted. When I saw her and ran over to her, it erupted, and it, it had come full circle from the decision.
(J) Well John, I know this is about four or five podcasts, but we have had the most wonderful time.
(J) I thank you so much for doing it.
(M) (Martha laughs) I’m just, I’m thankful for… I’m so thankful and stunned by the people who came to this conference, at expense, and they poured out love and tears and appreciation on us. And they generously supported the ministry. And I think they bought “Decision,” didn’t they? (Martha laughs) And I’m, I’m just grateful for the people who came to hear the message.
(J) And from the response we’re getting, they were extremely grateful as well.
(M) Oh, that’s good, that’s good.