The Long Journey (Part Two)
With Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow
Special guests: Julie and Carole Nelson
(M) If you live in need, then you live in childlikeness; then you’re capable of receiving, and He is so… that is the unsearchable riches of Christ. They’re unsearchable, how could you come to the end of it? And those riches are ours to the degree that we’re humble enough, and needy enough, and delighted enough in Him. So…
(Julie) This ties into what, something John said a while ago about how we interpret why He would expose our need.
(Julie) And last week I had something happen where the Lord exposed a tremendous need, and I saw it as so shameful, (Julie speaks with deep emotion) that the need was being exposed. And, and I saw the need itself as so shameful. And at one point when I finally got desperate enough, the Lord came to me, not with condemnation, as I expected, because I sinned in it, I took the need to the human. And the thing that Martha kept saying to me through it is your need belongs to God. And I didn’t get it, I just didn’t get it, because all I saw was that that need was so huge, and so insolvable, and so shameful to me. And when I finally, finally, finally, after running to and fro, and doing what I do, got broken enough to listen, He came with such kindness, and He just said, “just pour out your heart to Me”. (Julie is crying as she speaks.) And I just broke, and I just began to cry out to Him, “God I’m scared, and I’m overwhelmed, and I’m tired, and I can’t handle this, and I don’t know what to do.” And He came in with such mercy, and such supply. And I don’t know, I don’t know if this is going to make any sense, because it’s not quite clear to me yet. But I realized that on the other side of it that He wasn’t as focused on my sin as I was. He was focused on the fact that I do have a Husband in Him, and I have, I have a Husband. And that means so much to me now that I never realized, if I didn’t have a place, if I didn’t have Someone, someplace, if I didn’t have Someone who’s that eager to supply my every need, then it’d be different, but I do. And I just didn’t realize how precious our needs are to Him, and that He works to expose the need out of His desire to meet it, not out of a desire just to shame us, or whatever.
(M) Thank you Julie, you took us right down to the real needs, not for a thing or a person, the need is for Him. And so it’s really about receiving Him in all the roles that He has. And I’m fascinated with the names of God, and the names of Jesus, I am the Good Shepherd, I am the Bread of Life. But there are more names than are named. I think its Psalm 121 where it says the Lord is my keeper, and that has really impacted me. He is Keeper, that’s His name. And that means that my need, He will keep me in His supply, He will keep me in safety. And then it goes on to talk about being guarded and garrisoned, and that’s a military fortress.
(Carole) When you were talking a little while ago, I so relate to you in so many ways. But you were talking about how you see the Father and you check out His motive, and it’s always in your head or your heart, discipline or… And I started to think about the talents, the parable of the talents. And I the one man with one talent, I’ve never seen this, but he was a, antithesis of a child.
(Carole) He was a grown-up.
(Carole) And so he would not receive, he had already judged God as being hard. The other two received Him, received what He gave them. And the fruit of just receiving was multiplication.
(Carole) And here that last one, because he would not, because he held onto his government, and I’m talking about me too, his, his preconceived judgments of God, and his expectations of himself, whatever, he would not receive the talent. And so it was taken away from him, and more. Anyway.
(J) No, there’s no anyway.
(M) Carole, I thought earlier that greed keeps you from receiving. If you have to own, possess, and gain and get, there’s no way you can receive. And the more you hold, you have just illustrated what I was thinking a while ago, that if you hold onto it, you can’t, you can’t get more. And then what I didn’t get to was that it’ll be taken from you and given to the one who will receive. I have seen that happen, and John has seen that happen, literally in life, that if one will not receive a gift, God will let another have it. So.
(Carole) Well I’ve never seen, I’ve never seen that parable in what you have just brought forth, over the issue of receiving. And that those first two people who received the talents that were given to them, it doesn’t indicate that they really did anything; it was just the fruit of receiving. And I’ve just not… They didn’t strive, there was no striving that I’m, that I’m seeing. But that third person, which I have been over and over again, over and over again, just wouldn’t receive as a child; would not receive as a child. Would rather hold onto his preconceived, her preconceived notion of Who God is and isn’t, that He’s hard, that His motive is not to absolutely engulf us in His love.
(M) Yes, Carole, I’ve seen you come into such being a joyful child receiving. That’s, you’re speaking of the old man.
(Carole) Well, but I see it. You just said a little while ago, you can’t give away anything you don’t have (Carole’s laughing). So He makes, He brings us to the place where we have, so that we can give it, right?
(Julie) Earlier, before we started taping, you were talking about the Bride, and being refined, and somehow this is beginning to connect for me. Being challenged to receive seems, and this is a question, to expose more than anything else, my unbelief. And I’m wondering if the Lord is not, not nearly as concerned about my sins, being what I do with my unbelief, as the unbelief itself that gets exposed when He challenges me to receive. Make any sense?
(M) That’s not a statement, that’s an insight. You just, you just answered it; yes.
(Julie) So when He’s talking about refining the Bride, I mean this is huge for me, if this is true, it’s, I always thought that that refining was about sin, but is it about unbelief; Him refining the Bride of unbelief?
(M) I really think if you got down to the bottom of sin it would be unbelief. It started with Eve when she didn’t believe that God had given her everything she needed, wanted, or could dream about. She didn’t believe. Satan tempted her to not believe that God was good. So I think sin is unbelief in God, Who He is.
(Julie) Seems like, so my need itself is not evil, it’s what I do with it.
(M) Yes. Your need IS. Our need is for everything, and, and it’s what you do with it. Good, good, very good. I was thinking of the first conference that we did way back. I think it’s, “The Coming One”. There was a word I had that I was really praying over that, and it stayed with me. The word is fullness of Christ. And I was convinced then that the need to face whatever’s coming and His return, or, and however that happen. Whether I go return to Him or He comes to the earth to return, that the need is to possess Christ in fullness. And since that time all we’ve known is emptying. Because I believe that word was from Him, that and I had the word for the next two conferences. But, and I think if I could understand what He gave me to speak or teach, it would be about, it would be about being stripped. And it would be about humility, which is the only place you can receive, is in, in the place of humility, of having nothing and being content; poor in spirit, theirs is the kingdom. That means they possess the kingdom. So poor in spirit means being able to receive, it means being that child.
(J) When you were talking about Eve in the garden and her not believing that He wanted to meet her needs, it was beyond that. He had the, He had joy to give. It was a joy. I’m sorry, that’s a revelation for me, because I just, I judge Him, unfortunately. And even when He is giving, it’s not a joyful thing, you know what I mean? It’s almost a, ok well here’s this, ok, here’s your allowance, but that, that is my concept. I don’t see Him joyfully give.
(M) Till now.
(J) Right, right. But He has. I mean He has joyfully given, but I constantly put on Him something else.
(M) Well, you talk about His joy to give to me, but you know, I’ll say I should be that way after forty-five years with the Lord. If I’m not somewhere able to receive, God help me. It does take a lot of chastening to kill out that self-sufficiency, or that self-worship, either one. It takes a lot to kill it, John.