The Story Of God
April 21, 2013
With Martha Kilpatrick and hosted by John Enslow
Special guests: Jacquelyn Nawrocki and Jennifer Wentzel
(J) I think the miracle of any age getting it is a miracle. That’s a phenomenal miracle. It’s so wonderful that He’s able to in 70’s or 40’s or 30’s, whoever it is, whenever it is, or 20’s or teens or whenever He wants to do it. And even that I have to surrender to, because I would have loved it to be when I was in my twenties when I got saved. I would have loved for it to have happened then and not have trampled over people and over myself and created a sea of death. I would love to say that it was ‘oh’, but even that I have to surrender to God and say that was Your purpose and You’re God, so You knew exactly when to bring it into me, when to address it and when to, you know. There again, I can’t be God. I would love to say no, no, there isn’t twenty years of walking over people, but there is. And I think that’s some of the pain. That’s some of the pain that I’m experiencing is that I’m saying ‘what a waste and why are you so stupid that you didn’t get it’, and I can’t go there; I would love to go there.
(M) But you know what? You even have to die to your own story about that. Because it’s like, it’s like what He did with these difficult situations. He removed my sense that I was stupid, and my bitterness that they were stupid, and said it’s none of your business. Your story, what it takes, is My story; and you won’t own it and you won’t judge it, and you won’t resist even that. You have to even die to your own story, and what He’s chosen to walk you through, what mud He’s chosen you to get on you. And that’s liberty, that’s the liberty of the cross. You have to even, you have to die. Dying is simply, simply this, only this, letting go. That’s all it is, letting go. If you learn to let go you’ve learned to die. And so when He told me that instantly I could let go of years of frustration and unanswered prayer and, and ill treatment and everything. It doesn’t matter. It’s not about me. It’s not, it’s not the story of me or them. It’s the story of Him. And so, that in itself is the cross. But the cross is there to set us free. Yes, the cross is painful, but if we can, and we won’t learn to die well. In some things you die well other things you die screaming, so that doesn’t matter either. But His story is the issue. And I really don’t believe we really even know our own story and the miracle of it until we’re on the other side, until we’re born into Life.
(Jacquelyn) And in the end it’s all, it’s the story of His love.
(M) Yeah. Yeah, it is. It proves, it vindicates His love.
(J) I’m grateful that we brought this all up, because I think this brings in the reality of it. This is, that part is, it’s just key. I think it would have been amiss if we didn’t even mention it, so I’m glad we brought it up.
(M) The cross is so real. It is an actual power. It’s so real. And it does come to sever. It does come to kill what in you, you love. If you didn’t, if you didn’t hurt, if you didn’t love the darkness so much it wouldn’t hurt so much. But we do, and I don’t think we see the incredible pursuit that the cross is as being love. Thank you for bringing that in, Jacquelyn.
(Jennifer) My prayer is that people listen to the message, the message of the month, “The Rival Of The Throne”, and then listen to this podcast. Because there is just such an anointing and a, a plowing and preparation and planting and seeding of some kind in that message that moved all of us into a place where we could share in this podcast. You can cut this out, John, because it might be a little convoluted. But I giggled a minute earlier because the Lord reminded me. There’s a book series that I read, and it’s by a British guy named Jasper Ford. And its kind of science fiction slash fantasy, and it’s a whole universe that sort of resembles this one but not really. Like Dodo’s are no longer extinct, and people have little kids where they grow them at home, and it’s just bizarre and very British. But there’s, in this world books are real. It’s a whole different universe inside every book. Like the characters have lives like they come through in their parts in the books, and then they go off and go hunting or riding or whatever (She’s laughing). You know and they show up and it’s this crazy, wildly imaginative thing, but there’s a condition in the book world, and occasionally minor characters will become infected with a sense of self-importance that they become the lead characters. And they basically have to be removed from the entire story because ‘it can spread’, this disease of, of believing yourself to be the lead, the heroine or the hero, when you have two lines on page 246. (Jennifer’s laughing) And so, they basically are like, you know, I can’t remember the name of it, but they’ll send out an alert, they’ll be like, “boom-a-boo!” We’ve got a development of ‘such and such’, and it’s spreading, contain it! Contain it! Chapter six is gone, it’s going for chapter seven! So it’s this idea of this blooming importance that can literally wreck the entire book, from these little characters that believe suddenly the entire story revolves around them. And it’s a disease. And it just struck me, Martha, when you were talking about the Lord bringing you, I will call it a right orientation of the story, which is its His Story; He’s the Author, it’s His Story. But it’s like every single one of us, in the flesh nature, because that was essentially Satan’s disease wasn’t it, that he said ‘my story’, I’m the lead; I’m the everything, right? So we all have that, this (Jennifer is laughing) thing. And I just had this little picture of all of us are basically in the grand whole of existence from the time God created everything. And we all basically are minor characters on page 246 with a couple lines. And we all know that supporting characters can be precious and darling and wonderful, and really add to the whole story, to the mosaic of a great story. But every single one of who is like, thinking that the title of the book is ‘The Saga Of Jennifer Wentzel’. You know what I mean? And it’s His orientation that He has to go through person to person because it’s this infectious… I don’t know. Ok (She’s still laughing).
(J) It reminds me of “Galaxy Quest” with ah, what’s his name? (In background: Guy) Guy, yeah, (John laughs). You remember Guy? He was a minor character and he was always afraid of dying because he knew that he was just ‘the guy’ and on the script, and you know. Yeah ‘the guy’ always dies, you know; guest number two dies by beheading, or whatever it is, you know, because they’re just a minor character. And so, ah, anyway that’s; I did like ‘Guy’.
(Jennifer) John, when you shared, when you were so raw and open about the death and the pain and the agony and the anguish and the commitment that you have, what came to me was, uhm, that there’s no life apart from God, but there is existence in darkness. There is a world there. It is real, it is ah, it is, it is tangible, and you are tied to it and it is a violent, shredding, tearing, ripping, painful death to be separated out from that. And it’s not the same thing as life; there, I can’t explain it intellectually. It’s just that’s what came. Life in God, that is the only life is in God; but there is existence, there is, it is real, and so that death is real, those hopes dying are real.
(Jacquelyn) And yet that existence feels real and it’s familiar, and it feels safe, and I think that’s the lie of the enemy. It’s the ‘known’ when God is unknown, and that’s what’s scary, because we don’t know what He’s going to do.
(M) I want to tell you the reward of it though. The reward is intimacy with Him. The thing we want the most, and we need the most, is an experiential world of intimacy with Him. Not necessarily happy and ecstasy and all that, but just His presence. It only comes on the other side of the cross. The resurrection life is as real as the cross. And from every cross there is a resurrection life. I think the explosion of this revelation really for me is for me personally, intimately with the Lord; it is the resurrection life I have been waiting for. I have been in the cross for days and years, but recently for days I have been dead. I have felt dead, I have felt nothingness and I have known that I was in the grave, that literally the cross had taken me to a violent end, an end of me. And that I could, I could just wait for the resurrection, and I believe this message is personally the fruit of my death. The cross brought this very message forth, to see the enormous between Light and dark, Satan’s realm and God’s realm, Satan’s throne and God’s throne, my old nature and my new nature. That is clear to me like never before even though I’ve taught it, and known it, not like today. Today is a vision so vast and so clear that there’s no shadow in it, but I died to get it. Would I exchange what I lost for this knowledge of God? Never, never, uh-uh, I wouldn’t go back. There’s nothing that could entice me to go back to that bondage to the old, bondage to my loves that He came and severed. Because this is life, that was a shadow of life, a hope in life, hope it would be life. No, this is life because it’s free and clear and it’s filled with the fullness of God, with the joy and exuberance of seeing Him, my goodness, in enormity. Seeing Him, as I’ve see Him through my own grave, ensures the victory over that to which I died, and it won’t make any sense unless you go there. Shall I say it again? My resurrection over the death issue will be the victory over that to which I died.